A Tangent About SVU Solving My Netflix Watch Instantly Problems.

27 06 2011

Netflix Watch Instantly is incredibly overwhelming for the most part, because it’s full of shit that I only KINDA want to watch. This “KINDA want to watch”-ness, leads to what seems like hours of Dudefriend & I passing the remote back & forth saying to one another,
“I DON’T KNOW, YOU PICK.”
or “I’M TIRED OF LOOKING, YOU PICK.”

There are a couple other variations,
but they all end with “YOU PICK.”

But I’ve figured it out, guys.
I’ve figured out the answer to my Netflix problems.
I am just always going to pick episodes of
Law & Order: Special Victim’s Unit
I’ve seen eight hundred times.

See, here is my view on things– I fucking hate picking. I hate it.
You know what I love? Law & Order: SVU.
Always have, always will.

So, from now on, I’m just always picking that and either Dudefriend will have to deal with it & watch Law & Order with me, or he will be forced to pick out something else because I’m just picking Law & Order.
Like, FINAL ANSWER, ya’all.

It’s probably the smartest win-win situation I’ve ever come up with.
Like, I either get to watch SVU or have the comfort of being absolved the responsibility of picking something better out because honestly, is there anything better than SVU?

If you said “Yes”,
then I’d like you to answer
the following questions about your choice:

1. Um, does it star a man with arms you dream about being saved in MORE than Agent Stabler’s?

2. Um, does it star a woman that is MORE empathetic and loving than Olivia?

3. Um, does it have never-beat-around-the-bush, brilliant, one word episode titles?

4. Um, do you ever feel like you ARE the main characters? Like, you don’t even know how you can stand so much rape & murder, but you keep coming back? ARE YOU LIVING THE JOURNEY WITH THE CHARACTERS OF YOUR TV SHOW THAT IS SUPPOSEDLY A BETTER GO-TO THAN SVU?! ARE YOU?!

If you answered “yes” to any of those,
YOU ARE A FREAKING LIAR!!!

And I just threw you against a metaphorical chained window
in the interrogation room OF MY MIND, btw.

If you answered “no” to all those,
then congratulations, you have taste.

Also, welcome to the worry free world of Netflix.
Enjoy your stay & the endless pedophile stories.

[Currently Listening 2 Aquarium Drunkard's Summer Soak mix]





LOTS OF CAPS BECAUSE I AM AGITATED & CAFFEINATED.

19 01 2010

Netflix Watch Instantly is great in theory.
You know, you go on your computer and then POOF!
You get to watch a movie instantly!
But you know what?
That doesn’t ever happen.
You know what happens?
You smoke & then you are like, “Oh, let’s see what’s on Watch Instantly
& then instead of watching anything instantly,
you end up spending an hour
just trying to find something worth watching or that you haven’t watched a million times or some crap your dad used to watch every god damn Sunday morning or something you fell asleep in during your high school film class or a bunk ass History’s Mysteries- which is a whole other tangent because I fucking love the History channel and their selection is as boring as flannel shirts on boys with beards.

Which DEFEATS THE WHOLE WATCH INSTANTLY notion altogether!

More Like Over 12,000 Pieces Of Shit No One Actually Puts In Their Queues.

It’s a one big cruel joke I fall for basically every night.
Like, oh, here’s Marissa & Dudefriend.
Trying to cuddle up for a good time,
let’s only give them two viable options-
one they will take a chance on & inevitably turn off
& another that they will have to go with because
they’ve already watched all the David Attenborough specials!

And it’s not like there are better recourses.

It’s not like I can go to Hulu & sit through another two minute suicide inducing pitch of horrible ABC family prime time bullshit with an imitation edge of a Jason Bateman flick. Can’t do it. That “Juno meets Gilmore Girls” bit last night literally made me so uneasy I would have gotten up and eaten another ear of corn and six doughnuts just to keep myself busy… but it’s a real pain in the ass to like get dressed and climb down Dudefriend’s loft so I didn’t.
BUT I WOULD HAVE.

Not to mention all the quizzes now to watch shit for free…
WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHICH TWILIGHT CHARACTER I AM?!
I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW!
I’M NOT BUYING YOUR TWILIGHT PARTY FAVORS ON SALE, ALRIGHT?!
I JUST AM GOING TO ANSWER ALL ‘A’ & TELL YOU TO FUCK YOURSELF WHEN YOU STILL WON’T LET ME WATCH IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY !
YOU ASSHOLES!
YOU KNOW I’M DESPERATE!
GOD I H8 U.

Even without the exclamation mark,
I was still yelling right there.
Yelling for Netflix
TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER!
PLEASE!

Not that it really matters I guess since Dudefriend made the very valid point,
“I don’t see why you care. You just smoke, have sex and go to sleep anyway.”

Which is true.
BUT IT’S THE PRINCIPLE!








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