Shit I’d Marry: Lost Atlas

7 09 2011

Shit I love so much that yeah, I would marry it.

If there is anything quintessential to my existence– aside from breathing, writing & drinking– it is the perpetual summer I create for myself and (sometimes to their dismay) those around me. Born and bred in Southern California, the majority of my childhood weekends were spent at the beach or the pool. I can’t stand not being in the sun for more than a couple days, and there is nothing I love more than a cocktail next to a body of water.

That being said, my Dudefriend is from Chicago.
For the longest time my obsession with laying in the sun boggled him,
and totally fucked all my ideas of “fun”.

Luckily, over the past year Dudefriend,
a super gnarly snowboarder,
has picked up surfing.

This is hands down one of the best things
that has ever happened to our relationship.

Not only does this give us both a reason to be at the beach every weekend, but it has also brought professional surf videos back into my life, which in my personal opinion are the best (& only) pro-sport videos to watch. Skateboarding is kind of cool too but it just doesn’t have shit on surf videos. I know this because I worked at Active Ride Shop, which means I have seen a lot of skate videos and none of them are as dope as surf videos, and especially not THIS surf video.

I wanted to recount all my years spent scouring the Newport harbor for surfer boys, but I will spare you the gushy details of my pre-teens daydreaming about Kelly Slater and get to the point.

Lost Atlas fucking kills it.

Here’s why:
1. SIIIICK surfers, including some household favorites
like Dane Reynolds, Craig Anderson & Dion Agius.
2. The cinematography looks straight out of a fucking Wildfox lookbook.
3. And most importantly to my audience, THE SOUNDTRACK IS INSANE.

Watching this video is like taking my ideal three months of vacation around the world looking through that perfect weed/sunglass filter and checking out mad babes while listening to a mixtape I made myself.

It features Dead Gaze, Summer Camp, White Fence, Dirty Beaches, La Sera, Washed Out, BAnanas Symphony, Grimes and Unknown Mortal Orchestra. It also features this totally critical New Zealand bro I’d never heard of named Connan Mockasin.

I dig this title track from his latest release,
which is also featured in Lost Atlas.

Seriously, I’ve been watching this surf video
like every other day for the last month,
and I’m still bowling the fuck over it.

I WORK OUT TO IT.
I SERIOUSLY DO LEG LIFTS TO THIS SURF VIDEO.
THAT’S HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SHIT.

Congratulations, Kai Neville.
You win.

& HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANE REYNOLDS!

Go wish his neckbeard a good one on Twitter.





Shit I’d Marry: Monster Rally’s Video For “Surf Erie”

30 08 2011

Shit I love so much that yeah, I would marry it.

To know me is to love me,
and to know I fucking love Monster Rally.

“Surf Erie” is one of my favorite songs off MR’s latest EP, Deep Sea.
Beautifully shot with just the right amount of summer magic,
this video is not only fitting, but it’s nearly perfect.

Monster Rally – Surf Erie from Tyler Coray on Vimeo.

Makes me miss Woodsist & Big Sur a lot. :( / :)
Nothing like being surrounded by beautiful trees listening to quality jams,
sneakily drinking wine out of your Tumblr tote bag, obviously.

At Henry Miller, Big Sur by Max Chap Sweeeeenhaus

Buy it on vinyl from my homies over at Gold Robot. Not only is it beautiful to listen to, but it’s also beautiful to watch spin because it’s opaque pink!

Related:
Monster Rally’s Crystal Ball
Monster Rally’s “Island On Fire”
A Tangent About How Much I Love Gold Robot Records





TANGENTS & THE TIMES: EPISODE ONE.

23 06 2011

“MARISSA MAKES A DECISION”

Over a clandestine liquid brunch, Marissa confides in her BFF Alexis that she plans on trying to take her career seriously by moving to New York to start anew — which goes over poorly. Then, Marissa’s ex shows up.





A Tangent About Wine Tasting.

3 06 2011

Well, as you can see, my beloved blog has been neglected the last week. I’m sure it’s because you think I’ve been so mad busy with Hello Giggles, unless you’re an informed individual that follows me on Twitter and knows I was gone WINE TASTING!

That’s right, ya’all!
This broke ass bitch got a taste of the good life with my pretend-future in-laws. I don’t really know what else to call Dudefriend’s family, aside from Dudefriend’s family, which really doesn’t lend to any of the sentiment I have for them. I truly enjoy pretending they’re my in-laws, plus I love them so I mean, it makes pretending so much easier.

The great thing about wine tasting is,
IT’S ALL DELICIOUS!
EVEN CHARDONNAY!
DEEEEEELICIOUS!

We spent two days in Sonoma & Napa, which was just phenomenal. I truly suggest visiting. The wine is just superb & the landscape is just as aesthetically pleasing. It’s on average ten dollars a tasting, which can include anywhere between four & six wines.

Here are my incredibly educated reviews
on the six wineries we visited.

V. Satutti – Best Sommelier + Most Pours
Satutti is pretty great because it gives you six tastings, which is great. They also had generous pours & an awesome sommelier named Don. Most people would probably hate Don because he’s a serious salesman but I loved Don because he was mad knowledgeable & wore an ascot like it was nobody’s business.

Dudefriend bought us a BEAUTIFUL Morisoli Cabernet here.
It was both of our favorite wine from this tasting,
which makes sense considering it was like $60 a bottle.

Sterling – Best Tram Ride
The pours were super spread out across the winery, which I wasn’t a fan of, but there was a tram ride! It was like Disneyland for ADULTS (for like, forty-five seconds)! The one good thing about the tastings being spread out, was you did get to see a lot more of what goes into the wine process, like where they ferment it & like, check out some barrels & shit. This tasting though was $25, but it does include a free glass and if you’re anything like me & you’ve broken all your $1 glasses from Ikea, this can be very exciting.

B.R. Cohn – Best Bang
I love this wine, but barely ever buy it because it’s about $15 a bottle at Trader Joe’s. The great thing about this winery is that they waive your tasting fee if you buy, plus the prices at their winery are still affordable (for wineries, I mean, it’s around $20 a bottle still). The grounds are really lovely, they host pool party BBQ’s, have a collection of classic cars & the winery is owned by the manager of the Doobie Brothers, so I mean, if that doesn’t scream chill, I don’t know what does.

If you add all this up,
you can basically deem
B.R. Cohn my future sponsor.
#getatme

St. Francis – Classiest Joint
Loved this winery & tasting. Beautiful facility, educated sommelier and they offered meal pairings! If I was mad fancy, I would have bought a pairing for sure. This winery also offered five, generous pours, so I mean, of course I was like, “YEEEAHHHBUUUUDAAAY!”

Kunde – Weakest Pours
UGH. Honestly, they gave me about the same amount my grandmother would give my cousins while they were teething. It was pathetic. Sure, I know I take gulps as sips, but a small sip is really not enough to get a good taste of a wine. They did comp the tasting with a purchase though & the wine was good so I mean, that’s nice of them.

Valley Of The Moon – Worst Sommelier
The bitch that served us at Valley Of The Moon was a bitch. Sorry, but even her smiles were super catty. I felt like she hated me & I was not drunk enough to be annoying or to warrant that kind of attitude. Sure, maybe she was having a bad day but honestly, she pours wine in Sonoma valley for a living and I’m a decent human being. We could have at least met in the middle. The upside was their sparkling whites, which were totally yummy. If I wasn’t a poor person, I’d definitely keep my fridge stocked. And by fridge, I mean wine cooler thing because obviously if I wasn’t poor, I’d keep my wine in an appropriate temperature controlled appliance.

So yeah, that’s that.
Over all, I had an AMAZING TIME.
Obviously any trip that basically lets me be me
& drink from noon on without any question,
is my kind of trip.

And for those of you who missed it on Hello Giggles,
here is the second episode of my internet sensation, WINE TIME!





A Tangent About My Dreams Being Dashed.

2 05 2011

Absolutely devastated to see that Dirty Beaches
CHOSE A BLONDE BEAR
over ME IN A BIKINI OR SOMETHING
to be in this music video.

My dreams are mad dashed, guys.
My workout routines, fruitless.
The fragile world of fantasy I live in,
FUCKING DESTROYED.

Okay, like, the bear is pretty cute. I do like her face. I’m not going to lie that yes, she probably pulls off that nighty & especially the crazy nineties neck-tank-thing way better than I ever could. I mean, it’s cool. But what am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to get up every morning & do leg-lifts for like an hour knowing that some fucking bear stole my dreams?

Someone get me back to my bed
& bring me a tray of burritos
before I kill myself.

LOL JK I’D NEVER KILL MYSELF GUYS!
I HAVE SO MUCH 2 LIVE FOR!
SO MANY “NOISE-BATTERED BEACH POP”S
WHO ARE WAITING TO MAKE MUSIC VIDEOS
FOR ME 2 STAR IN, I’M SO SURE!

:(

EDITOR’S NOTE:
Ok, apparently the “official” video was released last month.
I’m still not in it, so I’m still a little dead on the inside.





TANGENTSANDTHETIMES.TV

21 04 2011

AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR
THE LAUNCH OF TANGENTSANDTHETIMES.TV!!!

YES, I BOUGHT A .TV
& LET ME TELL YOU
IT IS A LOT MORE THAN A .COM!

People take TV so much more seriously than the internet.

Click on through to check out the promo for my series!





A Tangent About SXSW.

24 03 2011

South By Southwest went as quickly as it came, as most events that involve twelve hours of drinking with your friends for days on end assuredly do. But that is exactly what I intended to do– hang out with my friends & listen to music we enjoy listening to.

Throughout my life, music has always provided me with not only an escape, but also with a community. As horribly dorky as it is (well, maybe not anymore now that it’s even acceptable to go around calling yourself a “blogger”), most of my greatest friends have been made on the internet, over music. And nothing has changed. I can’t tell you how gratifying it is to go to something like SXSW & meet up with my favorite writers from across the country & shoot the shit about shit I care about without having to explain it all. You know what I’m talking about?

Hypotheticals, now GO!

Your friend who knows little to nothing about what you do on the day to day asks you how your day was or whatever. Some normal-ass nonsense. You’re like,
“Oh, blah-blah on bloggidyblog talked about BAND-X
& then boogity-boo said yada yada on hmmuniahhh-what”
and the person you’re talking to is like, “Whaaaaaa?”

Maybe if you’re lucky, they caught BAND-X opening for Best Coast or some shit last summer & they can piece some of it together but, even then, it’s a struggle. I have this same problem in my blog, especially as it becomes more popular. I get, er, complaints, about how I’m “unrelatable” and people “don’t know what I’m talking about half the time”.

Well, I know what I’m talking about.
And it’s so good to be around people that
I can discuss all the hmmuniahhh-whats I want around,
and have them know what the fuck I’m saying.
Lord knows Dudefriend needs a break.

Alright, alright, enough with my pre-menstrual symptomsss.

Let’s talk about my favorite things I saw at SXSW. I saw a ton of super great bands– Pure X, Lord Huron, Cass McCombs, Weekend, Woodsman, Speculator, Heavy Hawaii, Boy Friend, The Twerps, Silent Land Time Machine & many more…

But my two favorites were:

2. Dirty Beaches
Alright, now, I’ve been loving on Dirty Beaches for a minute, but um, NOTHING PREPARED ME FOR SEEING THIS BRO ALEX LIVE. HOLY SHIT. He’s got this super dreamy, sexy, Asian Adonis meets the Outsiders vibe going, but with this like 1950′s crooner attitude. Ugh. As a girl who grew up with crushes on men who stood in front of big bands with greased back hair, this. just. KILLS ME. Seriously.

1. Summer Camp
Wow, okay, let me be the first to say I ended up inadvertently stalking Summer Camp at SXSW. I promise it was not premeditated, it just sort of happened. And thank god it did. First, I saw them at Forest Family. SLAYED. Then the next day we’re at Gorilla vs. Bear & we’re like DUH WE’RE GOING TO WATCH SUMMER CAMP AGAIN, THEY SLAY!!! And well, they slayed again, this time with a bunch of adorable quips about death metal. Elizabeth (the singer) jumped down off the stage & seduced all the boys in the front row. It was then I knew she was my hero. But then when she told me they just enjoy staying in & watching 30 Rock,
I was like, “ARE YOU GUYS MY SOUL MATES?”

OK. Didn’t really say that cause that would have been awkward.
Instead we just showed up at their acoustic show on Saturday
and I was officially, just like, IN LOVE.
THEY ARE INCREDIBLE!

There were definitely tears welling up behind my godforsaken Ray-Bans. If being in a relationship has done anything to me, it has turned me into a mom watching Pixar films when it comes to Couple Duos. Ugh. First Tennis, now Summer Camp. BUT I AM NOT ASHAMED. Everyone should aspire to this sort of thing, you know, what else is art if not the power to evoke feelings in others?

I never know what to expect out of bands these days, especially ones with plenty of synths, pedals & all that other jazz I have no business trying to talk about. But Summer Camp is an incredibly talented duo and their acoustic set made me just, well, it just killed me. It was so great. They are excellent musicians as well as storytellers, and their acoustic set accentuated their more than relatable lyrics. They are truly one of those bands who really win you in their live sets, something a lot of acts could learn from.

I don’t have a video of any of their SXSW performances,
but this take-away show captures their acoustic goodness.

I got drunk last night & actually wrote an entire essay on Summer Camp but then woke up this morning, re-read it & was like DAMN GIRL.
PUT UR FEELINGS AWAY.
But I still can’t!!!

Dave of RawkBlog had a good Tumblr post today about people bitching about the corporate-ness of SXSW this year. This was my first year and honestly, I did exactly what I wanted to do & had the best time doing it.

Photos coming soon.
See you next year kids. xo





RIP Trish Keenan of Broadcast

14 01 2011

Pretty devastated to hear about Trish Keenan, who sadly passed away this morning after complications with pneumonia and battling swine flu– which, like, Jesus, I thought that was safe to joke about by now. I was wrong. Never joking about swine flu ever again. :(

Broadcast was a pretty big part of my life and Tender Buttons has always been one of my favorite albums, holding tons of beautiful memories from my personal Lost Weekend in Orange County. I remember walking into Rhino Records in late 2005 and hearing “Goodbye Girls” over the PA. And I had to have it. I had to. It was a staple from then on. “Goodbye Girls” and “Michael A. Grammar” were more than common party go-to’s and “Tears In The Typing Pool” to this day is still one of the tunes I turn to to drink a bottle of wine & cry to. It’s really a tragedy to see someone so young & talented be taken from us, especially in a period of revival for her music.

RIP, girl. Thanks for all the mad beautiful gifts you gave the world in your time. xo





My Contribution To The Music Community On All Hallow’s Eve.

31 10 2010

Yesterday, I threw a Tweet out there like,
“Yo, what horror film should I watch on Netflix Watch Instantly?”
The answer I got was Suspiria (thanks dude), which is cool because I’d been wanting to watch it (I’m pretty intrigued by anything European from the 60′s & 70′s) so then you know, we watched it.

The film itself, like the plot & story, did not particularly scare me.
But the visual & musical stylings of this film are KILLER.

Like, this soundtrack by Goblin is fucking BEGGING
to be sampled & used for Witch House #1 hit sensations.

I mean, I think.
I don’t know if have listened to much Witch House. :oops:
But I mean, if the term “Witch House” is any indication,
I think I just fucking next leveled some bitches.

But this soundtrack is a game changer 4 all music lovers!
Especially for spooky Sundays such as this,
you need to revolutionize ur witch home.

To be totally honest, if I had any sort of musical talent,
I would have kept this shit to myself & then next year
BLOWN ALL YOUR MINDS OUT OF MORGAN FREEMAN’S UNIVERSE!!!

But, I don’t have a stitch of musical skill,
so now I’m leaving it up to you guys
to make this into something awesome.

Don’t fucking let me down.

PS. I expect to be thanked in ur album sleeve, when you make this masterpiece. Also, a picture of me in a bikini would be great too. Just looking 2 expand my personal brand, thnx in advance covens.

Download the album here
via some link I tracked down because I’m an Aughty girl.





A Tangent About Antoine Dodson.

13 10 2010

I just found out Antoine Dodson performed at the BET awards.

& I’m like, really, really happy for that bro because I feel like he probably had big dreams. He probably dreamed of performing at the BET awards all his life & I bet, he believed he would. I feel like he just totally Secret‘d the shit out of this thing. Like not on purpose, I don’t think he was like, “Yo, Universe, send some jabroni to come fingerblast my sister in the middle of the night & hook me up with Autotune The News, dawg!” I don’t think that is very much like Antoine at alllll. I think he’s a pretty sweet soul who just knew one day he’d be famous. He just like KNEW THAT SHIT. And he didn’t know how it would happen but it happened! It’s not his fault that the universe facilitated his aspirations through his sister getting felt up by strangers from the hood.

(Sidenote: UM STRANGERS FROM THE HOOD? SOUNDS LIKE THE SCARIEST MOVIE EVER. LIKE THAT STRANGERS MOVIE, BUT IN THE HOOD. THINK ABOUT IT HOLLYWOOD. I’M GETTING THE SCREENPLAY ADAPTED FROM MY SCATTERED THOUGHTS AS WE SPEAK.)

So, yeah, way to manifest ur life, Antoine!!!
You are an inspiration to us all!!!

I also really like the lady at 0:25.
She’s got some like, new wave En Vogue moves going, really dig them.





Back To The City Tomorrow.

31 08 2010

I’m going to miss the lawns & willow trees,
and suddenly I am wishing it was winter.





Paris Jones featuring April Kelly, “Winter” Vidz.

3 08 2010

This one time I interned as a blogger for this upcoming Hip Hop label. I really sucked at writing about Hip Hop but I did get to work with this awesome bro, John Clement Bollozos. After we all peaced out on the label, John & his badass sistah Kat started Clement & Co. and apparently started producing music vids? I knew John had mad cam’ skillz and you may or may not have seen this amazing video they made focused on the genius of yours truly, but this video (directed by Bollozos & pal John Henry Baliton) is down right brillz. It also helps the song is straight bombcommmzzz.

Grab Paris Jones’ “Winter” jam on this sick mixtape, J.A.P.A.N. To Paris
& you can grab this mixtape too, while you’re at it.





A Tangent About Seinfeld & STDs.

20 07 2010

LOL LUFFZ IT!

My only thing is like, I really wanted the screaming of
SERENITY NOW!!! SERENITY NOWWWWW!!!
at the end.
RIGHT?!
Of fucking course I’m right.
Ugh, I don’t understand why I’m not getting more freelance gigs overseeing this sort of stuff. I am a great Seinfeld Creative Consultant, it’s actually one of the things I’m better at consulting, you know? It’s like sure, I consult companies for social media campaigns, but whatever. That is just like a day job, alright, like, my real passion is Seinfeld and I feel like I need to start focusing more time on Seinfeld again. You know, like my universe’s GPS system keeps beeping at me being like WRONG TURN BITCH & I’m like nahhh, I love social media! But then I see things like this and I’m just like, damn… another YouTube Carnival Cruise ship of opportunities missed.

Just want to be a part of something viral guys.
Something viral with Jerry Seinfeld’s face.
Maybe even something viral with Jerry’s face
and my genitalia.

LOL OMG JK THAT WAS LIKE TOO MUCH RIGHT?!

Well, no not really, I mean,
if Jerry Seinfeld wanted to give me herpes,
hypothetically,
I might let him.
Like if he was upfront about it.
Depends on if he also wanted to
buy me health insurance
& fund my television show.
I feel like I could deal with herpes
for health insurance & a tv show.

I don’t know guys, what do you think?
Would you let your idol give you herpes
if they also funded your prescription drug addictions
& your dream career?

I dunno. Seems like it might be worth it.
Need 2 talk 2 Dudefriend though.
I mean, he’s pretty chill about me
making hard decisions for my career.

[Currently Listening 2 Hall & Oates]





A Tangent About Exposing The Establishment’s Lies.

17 07 2010

First of all, I want to address the fact that I am totally for encouraging kids not to do drugs. I mean, not to Mr. Mackey it up but drugs are bad!!! Like say whatever you want about South Park, there is no denying Mr. Mackey has a mad truth on his hands. So, yeah, I really think it’s important to tell kids & teens not to do drugs. Personally, I don’t consider Marijuana a drug but still think kids should wait until college to start smoking. At fifteen you just don’t get how to roll with a combo buzz & be chill in public, ya know? You also don’t know how being a functional stoner works yet. Like you gotta be in a place in your life where you don’t have shit to do until your two o’clock class & you have many free hours to fuck up & learn the key fundamentals of being a functional stoner, like never getting high before noon. That may sound like a stupid thing to say, like, I’m just a puss that can’t handle shit but no, actually I handle mad shit & you want to know how? Cause I get on my day’s roll before getting stoned. It’s like if I just wake up and get stoned, I am not leaving my bed. That is my day’s roll cause I never started an action for the weed to enhance. It’s like if I got up and showered and then started writing and theeennn got high, I’d probably still be pretty productive because at least I still gave a fuck about getting dressed beforehand.

Hopefully that makes sense.
I don’t know, I’m really stoned right now.

But I’m allowed to be! I’m a twenty four year old Los Angeles resident (so it’s like ALMOST legal anyway) who pays for her own shit & cares for the life of another creature & is pursuing her dream and GETS SHIT DONE.
Plus it’s fucking Saturday, so like, get reeeallll!

Anyway, the point is.
I’m all for kids saying no.

What I am not for is,
the fucking government or whoever
BRAINWASHING OUR CHILDREN
with this bullshit:

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!
SUCH BULLSHIT KIDS.
SERIOUSLY.
GUYS, LIKE THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

& KIDS, KIDS LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I’VE ALREADY BEEN WAY HONEST WITH YOU GUYS
+ I’M USING CAPS,
SO LIKE I THINK ITS OBVIOUS
YOU CAN TRUST ME TO BE REAL
SO HERE’S A CLUE:

YOU DO NOT GET SHIT FOR FREE BY NOT DOING DRUGS.
THAT IS A FACT, ALRIGHT?
DO NOT BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT ON TELEVISION.

Like I said, you shouldn’t do drugs & you shouldn’t smoke weed until you have like nooo responsibility, and they’re kind of ambiguous about what kind of drugs they’re talking about (who the fuck gets “twisted”?) but you shouldn’t do them BUT NOT DOING THEM WILL NOT GET YOU FREE SHIT.

I’ve spent a lot of my time not doing drugs.
You know what it has gotten me?
Nothing aside from a strong sense of self
& the power to tell peer pressure to talk to the hand!
But who the fuck needs that when you got a tab to cover?!

Sigh.

I don’t know guys, I’m going to go hang out with a monk this weekend, like I was already supposed to have left but I got my roll started on doing this blog and exposing some truth to the world about the indoctrinated cockamamie commercials your parents’ tax dollars are used towards LYING to you. The television is a box of lies. I promise. Like sometimes they are super enjoyable lies that involve a group of rich people who supposedly have “real jobs” & “real problems” and other times it’s like Glenn Be…

UGHHH. I DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THIS TANGENT ANYMORE.
I JUST LOST MY FUCKING EBAY I’D BEEN WINNING ALL WEEK!
ALL WEEK! & I JUST GOT OUTBID IN THE LAST MINUTE BY A DOLLAR.

I’ve gotta go.
I need 2 go visit this monk + manifest a new cotton flag.

PS. Still, kids, DON’T DO DRUGS.

[Currently Listening 2 Dusty Springfield]





PabzBro!

13 07 2010

Hey guys, this is Zissou’s little brother, Pablo.
He’s “Zissou’s Brother” like you have that “Uncle Bill” who’s not really your uncle at all but for some reason you’ve always called him “Uncle Bill” because your parents are like BBFZ except “Zissou’s Brother” isn’t fucking creepy and doesn’t give Zissou weird Christian Puberty books six years too late for Christmas.

Ahem, anyyywayyy,
He’s half Chihuahua & half other cute stuff!
I’m excited cause I get to watch him during the week sometimes!
He’s really cute & really crazy!



Zissou like, likes PabzBro but since PabzBro is from the streets (literally, my friend Campbell found his adorable ass in an alley) he is a little too rough&tumble for Zissou’s taste, thus he always takes to higher ground and my day has been mostly filled with this sort of thing:

In other words, cuteness.
Cuteness & Zissou’s asshole attitude,
but that’s not really new.
Zissou just enjoys being an asshole.
#blesshim








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