Well, it happened.
I got my first ticket
for drinking in public.
I am not at all surprised this happened. This was bound to happen, and frankly, I’m amazed it didn’t happen sooner, as I drink in public about as often as my neighborhood bums. In fact, this has been the summer of
“Getting Tickets For Things I’ve Been Doing For Years & Never Got Caught”.
June: Got a ticket for checking my email at a stop light.
July: Got a ticket for not having a front license plate.
August: Got a ticket for drinking kalimotxos on the beach.
For those of you who don’t know this,
a kalimotxo is the drink of my native people, the Basque.
Yes, I am about a quarter Spanish gypsy,
and I love drinking red wine and Coca-cola.
My ticket says, “Drinking red wine and cola in a red cup on the beach”
which I personally take as a testament to my awesomeness,
but whatever this is besides the point.
The point of this blog is I hate this game cops try to play where it’s like,
“HEY, I’M BUSTING YOU, BUT I’M ALSO DOING FAVORS FOR YOU
AND I’M ALSO COOL.”
They say things like,
“I’m going to do you a favor and not give you a misdemeanor and take you away in handcuffs for quietly drinking red wine & cola on the beach.”
Dude, if you were doing me a favor, you would have just taken your dune buggy posse to find some real degenerates causing a ruckus and like, peeing on families & shit. I was just sitting here! Quietly! Drinking some wine, which is only like an oak barrel and six months of a difference between that grape juice shit that kid on the next beach blanket is spilling all over his fucking shorts, screaming like a maniac. Why am I getting a ticket when there are tiny, sugar-hyped hooligans ruining the atmosphere! Makes no sense.
They also say things like,
“I’m not an asshole, why don’t you finish your drink while we fill out this citation that doesn’t involve me taking you down to the station because I am cool like that.”
Although I appreciate the gesture, you’re still an asshole and you’re not cool. If you were not an asshole and you were cool, you would have just believed me when I lied to you & said that it was only Coke in my cup. You could have taken my word, and winked at me, and driven off. That would have been a totally non-asshole and cool thing to do. Maybe fighting real crime too, yeah, add that to the list of totally non-asshole and cool things to do.
I’m fine with the fact I got a ticket.
I’m fine with the fact I got all the tickets I did this summer.
I’ve been breaking these laws for at least five years, minimum.
It was about time someone said I should stop.
What I am not fine with is that cops pretend they are good people
when everyone knows the only good people are firemen!
[Currently Listening 2 The Fresh & Onlys]