Tangents & The Times

(For everyone who doesn’t have time to be hip and watch the Olympics for hours on end with a 1986 Loyola Law School hat on and jack off.)

In regards to the gymnastics, the articles about the ages of the Chinese girls team are incredibly confusing to read. Half way through I keep seeing them refer to He as a she and I have to stop and remember that He is a she… and not God, for that matter. At any rate, it would seem that the Chinese are making it somewhat hard to not be suspicious. A good many of the girls that are sixteen this year, were thirteen last year according to many registration lists. For as unsportsmanlike as it is for the Chinese to be cheating, I find it almost as foul that the American girls gymnastic coaches actually stoop as low as to make fun of the Chinese to their athletes, calling them “little babies” and laughing about them still having “baby teeth”. The American coaches also expressed this to the media as well as their conspiracy theories that the judges were trying to distract their gymnasts while performing.

Way to be a great role model, Marta Karoyli. It’s definitely a mature and honorable adult who can make fun of sixteen (or thirteen) year old girls.

And to the Chinese well, fake it ’till you make it.

As for swimming, six time 2008 gold medalist Michael Phelps is a dreamboat.

How does he have that bangin’ bod? Oh, right. He consumes TWELVE THOUSAND CALORIES A DAY while training. That looks like this kids: 12,000. That is about five times as much as a normal person is supposed to consume. So, if you plan on bedding him ladies here’s what to have ready for him in the morning:
Three fried egg sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayo
One five-egg omelets
A bowl of grits
Three slices of French toast with powdered sugar
Three chocolate chip pancakes
Two cups of coffee

And a partridge in a pear tree.

One of my favorite things happened in wrestling, when Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian first had a fit about his ratings, having to be restrained by his teammates after berating the referee and attempting to abrasively challenge the judges. I don’t know the whole damn truth but apparently our friend aSweedishTHotelFan on youtube does:

WORD.

In tennis, Blake beat Federer- which is a feat in itself- but lost to Gonzalez. Unfortunately in the last set (the score 8-9), Blake hit a backhand which he contested nicked Gonzalez’s racket before landing. Gonzalez’s response:

“I didn’t feel anything.”

(that’s what she said ! bah ha ha… ha)

TV replays confirmed the shot did in fact hit his racket and it lost Blake the game, 9 all and eventually 9-10.

“Playing in the Olympics, in what’s supposed to be considered a gentleman’s sport, that’s a time to call it on yourself. Fernando looked me square in the eye and didn’t call it… Whatever he wants to say is fine. Whatever is going to get him to have some sleep tonight, then that’s fine.” – James Blake.

In the end, they grew pussies and Gonzalez apologized and Blake conceded he was only upset in the “heat of the moment”. See, everyone CAN get along!

There isn’t as much about cycling as I thought Silverlake would demand but I do know there are thirty-nine of them, all of which will be displayed predominantly under the title: “Who I’d Like To Meet”.

Do you know why divers shower after every dive? Well, it’s not that hard if you think about it. NBC’s diving analyst, Cynthia Potter, seriously told the world they do it “to have fun”. Do pitchers put on a jacket after an inning because it’s fun? No! No, they don’t. They put on a jacket to keep their muscles warm and that’s why divers shower, dumb ass! The difference in air temperatures can be almost twenty degrees, causing muscles to tighten up. So, they shower. I find it comforting to know NBC has sports analysts of such caliber. I can only imagine the standard they have for the rest of their programming.

I will leave you with this: