The end / beginning of the year was pretty crazy for me and I sorta slacked off and my priorities got a little messed up. I was moving and spending time with my family instead of keeping up with my favorite bands’ tour dates and subsequently, I missed out on getting tickets to see Animal Collective this weekend.
I went on Craig’s List thinking I could find a respectable person who would give me a reasonable & appropriate price for a ticket for either night.
You know what I found?
RAPISTS.
Yes, people are raping each other
all over Craig’s List for Animal Collective tickets.
I do not know who decided (an average) $150
was a fitting expenditure but apparently that is the market.
My response: FUCK THAT NOISE.
It’s not like that money is contributing to Animal Collective.
It’s contributing to some hipster-rapist’s Little Joy tab !!!
Do you know what you could do with that kind of money
& an affinity for Animal Collective ?!
Well, mister, let me tell you !
You could purchase Animal Collective’s entire discography (seven LPs, three EPs, two singles) on Itunes for $90.68.
And maybe you’re not that into them, so you could just get all the LPs on Itunes for $70.85.
Maybe you’re too good for MP3s. Maybe you’re one of those cats that needs the tangible album art. If that is the case, you can buy the entire Animal Collective discography on Compact Disc on Amazon.com for $138.77.
Maybe you don’t want to look like you just got into AnCo and like flipping through leaflets, you could get the whole discography already loved on Amazon.com for $85.72.
Or if you’re just into them but I mean, you don’t think they’re like the next Radiohead or anything, you could just get the LPs on Amazon.com too: $99.87 spankin’ new, $65.89 slightly scratched.
But maybe you are way too eclectic for the likes of these newfangled forms of music. Maybe you hate Ipods because you’re anti-commercialism. Maybe you think CDs don’t capture the real essence of music. Maybe you’re way too authentic for all that and you need vinyls.
Well, you can get all their vinyls as virgins on Amazon.com for $123.85.
And if you don’t want to look like you jumped on the bandwagon, you can get the thrown out conversation pieces for $118.44.
(Please keep in mind that only Merriweather Post Pavilion, Strawberry Jam, Feels, Water Curses EP/single and People EP have vinyl pressings and only the Water Curses EP/single and Strawberry Jam have used vinyls so really, I mean, it’s kind of pointless to buy them used unless you’re trying to save money but if you’re poor you probably shouldn’t be on Amazon.com to begin with, you should probably grow up, realize rock ‘n roll is a young man’s game and go get a job.)
And let’s say you have a new bitchin’ bf/gf you need to reeeeally impress to keep their polyester-clad ass around, you could always get the imported versions of Merriwether Post Pavilion, Strawberry Jam and Feels fresh off the boat for $119.96 or $104.92 a bit worn and weathered.
Or if you want to be super unique and ironic
and really get an “OMG” out of people,
you could always get some Rob Gordon idolizing, perverse Panda Bear obsessing, mistakenly homeless, hopeless romantic kid in Echo Park to take his whole Animal Collective discography and record it onto Cassette Tapes for you.
All for the small price of your unrequited love.
& maybe some misleading late night texts.
I slaved for countless hours on a Casio calculator
to tell you
AnCo FANS, YOU HAVE OPTIONS !!!!
And all those alternatives still leave room
to buy a case of PBR to enjoy all your Animal Collective authentic-ness with !!!
And that’s only the Animal Collective discography options.
I left out the detailed report with the cocaine and hookers.
In short,
Support Animal Collective
Not Silverlake Scalpers.
