Last night, I was supposed to go scout locations for a bar scene we’re doing in this project that has been keeping me from blogging so much and go see White Fence at the Echo.
So, I did the only logical thing to do
before doing anything
& I started drinking.
The problem was I didn’t go buy more wine yesterday (knowing I would have to go to our local Vons today to cash a paycheck at the only Wells Fargo ATM on the east side apparently) and proceeded to drink whiskey & Naked Juice, literally the only two liquids consumable aside from tap water & vinegar in my home.
This was a terrible idea because BOTH my plans got canceled,
And I had pre-partied for BOTH sets of plans.
And then I was just drunk & alone & not able to do anything productive.
I ended up spending an hour trying to take my seemingly brilliant:
“GPOYW: THE MOST META PICTURE OF ALL TIME edition”.
I bet you’re wondering what that would entail right?
After about ten of those, I figured out an even better plan that involved something (if you can even imagine) even more embarrassing than trying to take a picture of myself on my own fucking 50″ television
but then Dudefriend came home (thank god).
And he made a pizza!!!
Of course, that took precedence over anything else going on in my life. Pizza, sober or drunk, is one of the top ten best things about this universe. Sure, cassette tapes & shit are cool, like, I also dig the ocean & think it’s miraculous, it’s totally on the list. But pizza, I mean, I’d go as far as to say, for me at least,
may be in the top five best things about this universe.
I spent the day at work just hating myself, hoping fate would bring me and the generous rugby player who randomly, without solicitation, gives me Vicodin together once more. But no. It didn’t. Fate only gives you Vicodin for free when you’re not spending your previous evenings being an asshole, apparently.
Learn from me kids.
Take my wisdom & run with it.
SLIDE INTO THE HOME PLATE OF SUCCESS WITH IT!
SLICE INTO THE APPLE PIE OF YOUR DREAMS WITH IT!
SLAY INTO THE HOT PIECE OF ASS YOU ENVISION AS YOUR CAREER WHEN YOU MASTURBATE WITH IT!
Do you not do that?
You don’t imagine your career is the hottest man that George Clooney, John Hamm and Jim Morrison could have ever gave birth to if said men could have sex & all have a baby to grow up into that, and then jerk off?
I don’t really either. I mean, I sort of do…
but mostly I just imagine myself with Miranda Kerr’s body.
[Currently Listening 2 this new BATHS' jammer]
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