In Case You Didn’t See It On All My Other Social Networking Sites.

1 11 2011

My last minute Halloween costume in my traditional “Obscure Television Character Four Of Your Friends Will Get” theme last night, was of course, Casey Klein (Lizzy Caplan) of what should have been everyone in the fucking world’s favorite show, Party Down.

My dream is to one day play a team of sassy sisters alongside Lizzy Caplan. She is one of my favorites. She is hilarious & a natural babe, two of my favorite things. I feel like we’d get along really well & I even once told a producer that she is the only person allowed to portray “Marissa A. Ross” the character.

Yes, that’s a conversation I have had to have.
And it’s stupid because obviously
I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD PORTRAY ME
but I mean, I would concede if Lizzy signed on
(and I had to).

Anyway, I was a great Party Down caterer last night.
Plus it was the perfect accent to my excellent hosting.

I’m not going to tell you which obscure television character I was going to be but then unfortunately didn’t have enough time to complete because you will all steal it & be Molly Shannons next year for Halloween too & I can’t have fans going around & fucking my shit up. #notchill #getoffme #loveu

[Currently Listening 2 Widowspeak]


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Categories : Pictures

My Agent18 iPhone Case Is So Sick, I Want To Give One To You Too.

14 10 2011

I got hooked up with this dope Agent18 iPhone SlimShield case in nearly my favorite color, mint. Although, just to be clear, Agent18 calls this color “Brook Green”. I really like it because it’s thin & weirdly, super smooth. Like, satin to the touch. It also matches my purse perfectly so now everyone confuses me for one of those ridiculously coordinated girls, which is hilarious cause I’m never that together.

I got my case the day
I filmed my last Wine Time
& I was mad excited about it,
so here’s an outtake of me acting like a goon about it.

I know, I know.
It’s incredible how deep & insightful I am.
AND HOW GENEROUS!

Actually, okay, Agent18 is the generous one.
I was so beyond thrilled with my mint case,
they gave me one to give away!

Enter my “What does mint mean to you?” contest
to win one of the Brook Green SlimShields for your AT&T iPhone4!

Here’s how to enter:
Follow my Tumblr.
Respond to this post with a photo answer.
Follow Agent18′s Tumblr (don’t worry, it’s actually dope).

A winner will be chosen Sunday night
& announced early next week.

Good luck! xoxo


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Categories : Tangents & The Times

GPOYW: Oh, Wow, I Am Dobby’s Mom’s Portrait By Ralph Steadman.

28 09 2011

This is probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Taylor Weller painted me! It is just about my favorite thing in the world right now, aside from the amazing photos Kimberley Gordon took of me this past weekend (check them out on my website’s gallery). I love this so much because it reminds me of a Ralph Steadman sketch, totally a bizarre, house-elfish take on this bitch. It’s fabulous. If only in real life I was this tall! I’m hoping I can convince Taylor to send me a signed copy of this dude for my future wine cellar, which will also be adorned with portraits of me & all my friends drinking wine at different wineries. It’s basically going to be a bragging room, and I can’t have a bragging room without my first painting. I feel like that would discredit it.

Taylor has said she’s also going to be doing one of Zissou, which personally, I am WAY MORE excited about. Zissou has only ever drank one drink in his entire life– a “Keith Richards” that he snuck a glass of from underneath a tall couch– and I think that is going to be the real winner.

[Currently Listening 2 Bridge Underwater via Yvynyl]


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Categories : GPOYW

Tangents & The Times: The Series, Episode Two

3 08 2011

“MARISSA ALIENATES HERSELF PER USUAL”

In a scathing love ballad to Los Angeles, Marissa rants her way to blogging infamy. But being on top has its hazards… mostly at Dudefriend’s expense.


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Categories : Tangents & The Times, The Series, Video

TANGENTS & THE TIMES: EPISODE ONE.

23 06 2011

“MARISSA MAKES A DECISION”

Over a clandestine liquid brunch, Marissa confides in her BFF Alexis that she plans on trying to take her career seriously by moving to New York to start anew — which goes over poorly. Then, Marissa’s ex shows up.


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Categories : Tangents & The Times, Video

TANGENTSANDTHETIMES.TV

21 04 2011

AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR
THE LAUNCH OF TANGENTSANDTHETIMES.TV!!!

YES, I BOUGHT A .TV
& LET ME TELL YOU
IT IS A LOT MORE THAN A .COM!

People take TV so much more seriously than the internet.

Click on through to check out the promo for my series!


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Categories : Tangents & The Times, Video

I’M The New Standard, BITCHES.

18 01 2010

Everyone should go check out Clement & Co’s blog & latest installment of We Are The New Standard featuring yours truly & my way cuter animal counterpart, Mr. Zissou RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE GO GO GO!

I feel truly blessed that these incredibly talented, artistic entrepreneurs felt I was worthy of their evening and even more worthy of the time I know it must have took editing and having to listen to me blabber for hours on end (cause I’ve edited plenty of my own shit & even I wanted to kill myself after listening to the same schtick over & over GAH).

So, the long & short of it,
to Clement & Co. -

Yup.
A big butterfly kitteh filled
& gratitude infused
thank you. <3


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Categories : Tangents & The Times, Video

LOOK, YOU GUYS!

11 01 2010

THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT !!!
Also mentioned it here but whatevz.
The point is
THIS IS SERIOUSLY LAME.
THERE ARE NO HOMES (or apartments or bungalowz or whateverrr)
TO THE LEFT OF ME IN THIS PICTURE
KEEP THAT IN MIND.
IT’S NOT LIKE SOMEONE WAS LIKE
“OH I WILL JUST PUT THIS OUTSIDE, IN FRONT OF MY ABODE!”
NO.
SOMEONE WAS LIKE
“I AM GOING TO DRIVE MY SHIT HERE AND LEAVE IT! BITCHES!”

WHAT GIVES PEOPLE ?!

I really don’t get it.
It’s like if you’re going to take the time and energy to actually move your shit, like you pick it up and you maneuver it out the living room and through not only the front door, but also the screen door and you jerry-rig it all up in your early nineties Neon then you
take it to the foot of my hill?
My nearly 30% grade hill?
It’s not like it’s a fun thing to park on.
And then you put it where everyone freaking parks so the trash guys can’t get it if they wanted?! I just don’t understand the thought process that goes behind these dumpings!
My hill is not conducive for anything except working your calves!
It just doesn’t seem convenient at allllll.

It also really gets me heated because my place is kept in prime time, all the time.
And I don’t need anybody rolling up thinking I live in a fucking landfill.
This ain’t the set of Ahh! Real Monsters. :(


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Categories : Tangents & The Times

Dear Lady I Work With Who “Didn’t Have Time” To Approve My Shit,

9 01 2010

I just want you to know, when you sent me that email saying you’d been “busy with meetings since 11 am on Wednesday”, that all I wanted to do was send you back this:

FACEBOOK STATUSES DON'T LIE.

Sure, you’re kinda holding up this project for me,
but I ain’t mad at ‘cha.
Girl, I love shoes too.
But you can’t add me as a friend on Facebook & then lie to me.
Because I will find out.
Facebook knows all.
The internet knows all.
And at our company,
I AM THE INTERNET (bitches).

Little advice from me to you:
get on that list making tip.

Do you think I would have accepted your friend request if I didn’t have a way to hide all the tagged photos of me looking like a poster child for Derelicte?
No, definitely wouldn’t.
Definitely need my “bizness” list and its limited infoz.
Definitely do not need my superiors knowing I spend my nights in a drunken stupor, stealing pills and internet connections from my neighbors, looking like Charlie Day on glue while getting high off the fumes of the acetone used to clean my typewriter and caressing its smooth, cold metal surface with my blazing hot wine cheeks, rolling my tongue in succession with the beautiful hum of my cliche-ly named Selectric which I am not even going to tell you because… well, to be frank, it’s clearly none of your business.
It’d be inappropriate.
And that’s why
YOU ALWAYS MAKE A LIST.

Annyyywayyy,
Looking forward to seeing these shoes that I later read on Facebook are dazzling as well as getting my PDFs approved. See you Monday.

Sincerely,
Marissa A. Ross


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Categories : Tangents & The Times

Web 2.0 Tidbits, Day One.

16 11 2009

This is the society I want to live in- a society where LOLcat jokes are not only always appropriate but everyone also gets it. The only thing more frustrating than trying to get someone to comprehend I Can Has Cheezburger is trying to explain Twitter to one of my mom’s tennis teammates.

New Favorite Person:
Lee Sean Hepnova. He did a great presentation tonight at Ignite NYC. At Ignite, speakers get twenty slides and fifteen seconds per slide. Lee Sean’s was on “It’s Cool To Be Flat” about 3D designs plaguing world and he had me at an ingeniously placed Phil Spector joke. Watch his slide show (although it lacks his incredible and energetic stage presence) on his website (linked above) and I believe that Ignite will also have the videos up eventually. I suggest to watch them all- everyone who spoke had great things to say about technology, the future and society.

Favorite Thing I Overheard:
“I feel like I’m shopping in H&M.” – Dude behind me during the iPhone music app contest where three volunteers competed to see who could create the best song live from their different apps.

Best Thing I Learned:
Viagra is the only way to get things done in the Arctic (via Tom Haile).
& I’m not talking about boning.
I’m talking about bartering.
Apparently, in Siberia no one gives a damn about conventional economic transactions. You need a pilot? Fuck your cash. There’s no malls in Siberia. They don’t care about your c-notes. They want boners.
Not that I am planning a trip to Santa’s workshop this season but hey, IT’S THE MORE YOU KNOW KIDS.


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miss u.

29 10 2009

that’s it.
oh & maybe
<3.
& a little
:( .

affectionately,
marissa

ps. hang out with me on the day to day here.


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Categories : Tangents & The Times

Movin’ On Up.

30 09 2009

My high octane internet lifestyle is shifting !
Today is my last day of work !
I am leaving my hum drum copywriting/assistant/shop girl day job that pays me while I blog for a big business lady position that involves an office, internet marketing and a lot of social media from the hours of eight to five.

So, a lot less:

Unprofessional Marissa.

Unprofessional Marissa.

& a lot more:

Professional Marissa.

Professional Marissa.

This has led me to ponder many things, like:
Will my blog have a negative effect on my professionalism?
Will I have to stop video blogging while drinking?
Will my job have a negative effect on my blog?
Will I start “taking myself too seriously”?
Will I become “unrelatable” to my readers?
What time would I have to wake up at to comfortably get stoned, shower and jill off before work?
And when will I watch Mad Men?!?!?!

I guess only time will tell.
I am a little nervous.
But the internet should be more nervous
SINCE I AM ABOUT TO RULE IT MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA !!!


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Categories : Tangents & The Times

Edible Guilt.

28 09 2009

Here’s a thought:
Don’t Eat Edibles If You Want To Bone.

NOMNOMNOMNOMZZZ...zzZzZz

NOMNOMNOMNOMZZZ...zzZzZz

Because it doesn’t happen.
You know what does happen ?
You PTFO in Dudefriend’s bed and he fixes your resume and watches Mad Men while you nap it out and then you wake up eight hours later in the middle of the night with your skirt all cock-eyed and your necklace imprinted on your face and then you toss and turn for the rest of the night thinking about what kind of asshole thinks they can eat a shit ton of marijuana chocolate truffles and somehow make it past 11 ?
Oh, right !

Me !!!

I’m that asshole !!!

& that’s all I’ve got kids.
I’m an asshole.
A revelation, I know.

F’ you, it’s Monday.


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Categories : Dudefriend, Tangents & The Times

MOST OUTSTANDING INSULT OF ’09.

25 09 2009

haahahahahaha…
ahhh….
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA

Yeah, maybe even of ALL TIME.
hahahahahaa


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Categories : Tangents & The Times, Video

Is It Just Me…

25 09 2009

Or does Tucker Max look have an uncanny resemblance to Jay Leno in this photo?

Am I Right Or Am I Right ?!

Am I Right Or Am I Right ?!

I’m not sure if it’s the space between his eyes and hair line
or the space between his bottom lip and chin.
Maybe it’s because they both bore me endlessly ?


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Categories : Tangents & The Times

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