While finding that picture of me for the last post,
I found this picture of my friends & me, when I was 14 or 15.
Look at how little and friendly-looking I was!
Upon seeing this photo,
I was immediately reminded of
one of the most embarrassing instances of my life.
All because of the brunette sitting next to me,
who for some reason one day in ’99 or 2000,
wanted to ruin my life.
In eighth grade I was voted “Friendliest”, a title that adorned my MySpace profile for all of High School even though all that meant was I was a push over & one of the easiest people to make fun of who wouldn’t ever do shit about it, yet would still loan you pens she’d eventually resent you for never returning.
One sunny lunch period, the outdoor eating area was totally packed. Everyone was enjoying the good weather, hanging out, drinking Hansens sodas, when– let’s call her Janet cause that’s the best revenge ever, renaming her Janet (ok maybe not the best, Janet is not the worst name [in case your godmother is named Janet or something])– Janet asked me a favor.
She said something along the lines of,
Can you do me a favor?
I accidentally threw away my Hansens!
I need the top of it for my science class
that is collecting the tops for
the Ronald McDonald foundation!
Can you go get it?”
She pointed towards a totally overflowing trash barrel, you know the kind where everyone keeps throwing shit on top until it’s protruding like three feet out of the can because we’re retarded-ass junior high kids and don’t walk to another fucking trash can? Yeah, one of those. “It’s right on top,” she said. “You just have to grab it.”
This seemed fine to me.
I could see the Hansens can, and it was totally on top.
It wasn’t like I was going to have to excavate the trash pile.
Totally not a big deal.
For some reason, I don’t remember ever asking her why the fuck she didn’t go get her own Hansens can. I didn’t really ask many questions then, being the like third or fourth tier of popularity I just kinda did what the popular kids asked of me because I was an insecure little chump waiting to become a champion in ten years.
So, being the “Friendliest”,
I went over the trash can
& plucked the can off the top
FOR THE RONALD MCDONALD KIDS
when she started screaming,
MARISSA ROSS IS A TRRRRAAASSSHHH DIGGGERRRR!!!”
Of course, what seemed like the whole school yard, heard & looked & burst into laughter, all calling me a fucking trash digger for trying to do a good deed!
A fucking favor! For a “friend”! Because I’m fucking “friendly”!
I threw the can back down in the trash and don’t remember what I did next.
As with most of the embarrassing instances of my junior high years,
such as putting a love letter in Joey Lara’s locker
which he showed everyone & laughed at
or when Kendra Miller, the most popular girl in school,
called me an anorexic bitch in the cafeteria,
I just blocked all the aftermath out,
which means I probably cried in the bathroom.
This is why when you ask me for a favor,
I will usually repsond with “Maybe.”
So, just don’t take it personally.
Just know that I am not a fucking fool anymore!!!
I’m sure Janet doesn’t even remember this.
I bet she only remembers that time she was making fun of me
about how I acted like “a mummy” following my crush around
& I slapped in her in the face outside our yearbook class.
I remember that too.
That’s why I’m not still mad about being a trash digger.
[Currently Listening 2 Caged Animals]