Tangents & The Times

Listen, I don’t know those twenty-five things about you because we’re not actually good enough friends to know these things about each other. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way it is.
I know you don’t care that I’m a Pisces on the Aries cusp. I know you don’t care that I love the smell of new carpet or that my favorite color is specifically mint-teal. My stories of the trials and tribulations of youth don’t inspire you. You would not bother to read about how I stuffed my bra in junior high until one day at the beach a wave hit me and subsequently I lost one of the late-80’s-pantsuit shoulder pads of my mother’s I was substituting for cleavage or how I was stuffed and left in trash cans at least five times or how my allergies were so bad as a kid my eyes would swell shut and they’d send me home ! It makes no difference if have to make my bed every morning almost immediately after exiting or that I have a reoccurring dream of being on a beach with the love of my life (tall, dark, handsome dreamboat [think Clooney]) and it’s sunset and we’re just standing there in the cover art of a Danielle Steel novel with the theme to Brazil is playing. It’s kind of like if the scene from Disney’s Robin Hood was actually people (with incredibly nice bodz) on a beach. Same feeling though.
I also love cheesecake.
But I wouldn’t expect you to actually read about these things, like take time out of your day to learn my first screen name was BlinkLuver1114 (1114 = Travis Barker’s date of birth).

You know, I should read all of yours considering you only have asked me to read something once and I have asked you to read something once a day.

Shit. I hadn’t thought about it but I’ve been pretty selfish. You guys are all reaching out, trying to be identified with in the internets too. You know there are twenty-five things that make you super unique and you want to share them.
So, since I refuse to fill out a “Twenty-Five Things” on the premise of anti-egocentricity, I decided to compile my

TWENTY FIVE THINGS
ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE
1. “Sometimes I think I’m too nice to people. But what really pisses me off is when people take kindness for stupidity. Let it be known I’m great at reading and stuyding people. I’m always right. Which is why I seem quite to most people at first. It’s not judging. Its just what I do. I study people. I People watch. So in short I always know whats going, I just like to see how people revel their nature. Dang did I let my secret out?”
2. “I have the world’s smallest bladder…I am known for how much I have to pee! haha”
3. “My favorite movie is Free WIlly! Go Figure!”
4. “Trends? Isn’t that just a bunch of people copying each other? So not for me”
5. “On Oct 4, 2007, I bought a 2008 Corvette for $51,254. “
6. “I have a piece of my ass on my hand from when I fell into a firepit when I was 13 and had to have a skin graft!”
7. “When I was little I was obsessed with the Secret Garden and I would talk in an English accent, put a wig on, and pretend my backyard was a secret garden.”
8. “i wore big sunglasses before they were in style…we’re talking like 6th grade.”
9. “My middle name is Veronica, and my mom always thought it’d be cool that people in high school would call me “Ronnie.” Please don’t do that, but now that I told you, I’m probably never going to be called by my real name again, I hate you guys.”
10.” I often go to places of nature (beaches & mountains) alone to read and write.”
11. “I have a third nipple…the doctor even said it was one.”
12. “i ordered the ‘Alaska Man’ catalog. It cost $22 and was full of old bearded men in plaid shirts holding up 3 foot long fish.”
13. “I like sex a lot……Im not one of those girls who pretend they dont like to be touched!!! Touch me damn it!!!!!……lmao Sex is great. Making love is beautiful….Im just saying….”
14.

I’m tired.