I’ve decided from now on, all my parties are going to be BYOB because the last like, three gatherings I’ve had at my house with more than like four people, I spend half my cleaning time dumping out half drank beers because duh, you can’t throw away cans full of beer. I don’t know what people’s problems are. I mean, you don’t do that at a bar. At a bar, you buy your beer and you drink it and then you buy another. At a party, you seemingly get a beer, drink some of it, leave it outside, go inside, get another beer, drink half of it, leave it inside, go outside & go,
“Ah, fuck, where is my beer?! Oh well, better get another one!”
as if you don’t know how to move through doors without losing your shit.
Imagine how dumb you’d feel on a daily basis
if you were as careless
with your car keys
or your lip gloss
or your Nuvaring
as you are with beer.
I am embarrassed for you.
I’m assuming it’s because at a bar you have to pay for beer, and at my parties, Dudefriend has probably stocked up with at least a thirty rack and a bottle of whiskey. Well, just because there are thirty beers in the fridge doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to squander them!
Do you know how many homeless people
would LOVE that hot half of a Tecate?!
TONS OF THEM! YOU’RE BEING SO WASTEFUL!
You think I give a shit about your reusable shopping bags?
I DON’T! I CARE ABOUT MY BEER!
[Currently Listening 2 Unknown Mortal Orchestra]