Once upon a time, I lived in a magical place.
A place where everything sounded like the beach
& everything was yours at the click of a Google.
This place was called, 2009.
2009 was the best.
It marked the first season of East Bound & Down, the burgeoning independent music blog community, Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince hit theaters and “Sun Was High” was released, and we were all so excited because no one knew Best Coast was going to turn into a glaring embarrassment yet.
But most of all, you could download anything you wanted, from obscure 1960′s EPs to the Arcade Fire’s album that was six months from its release date.
It was all ours.
It was all mine.
Unfortunately, now all that is gone.
My computer crashed & I had only backed up 60% of my shit.
In 2009, I would have been like,
“No worries! I’ll just re-download it all!”
In 2012, I’m just like,
“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!
WHY CAN’T I STEAL ANYTHING?!”
It’s a completely different world out there, you guys. I can’t just Google “70′s Afrofunk: The Revolution.zip” or “Final Draft 7 serial number” anymore. It’s horrible. My life is over. I will never be able to regain everything I took out of 2009. How am I to make summer mixes?! How am I to write my scripts?! Does the world expect me– some poor ass twenty-something who still occasionally has to suck-up her pride & get her parents to bail her out of shit & then feel like an awful Lena Dunham character– to actually pay for all the shit I used to steal?!
My world has nearly imploded!
It’s like 2008 all over again!
The only solace I can take from that is that 2013 will be another 2009, but fucking better. I will have finally cracked this Final Draft I stole & will have written the best fucking script & gotten hired on a fucking show & will never have to blog again! I will only do it for the sheer fucking fun of it! So fuck yeah! 2013! 2012 you can’t bring me down with your fucking crazy government sanctions on the internet! You’ll be sucking my dick, internet! You too, the government! YEEEEOWWWW!!!
I’m just trying to be positive here
/ have drank a lot of sauvignon blanc, ya’all.