Okay, so I doubt you will even believe this,
but the truth of the matter is
I’m probably one of the
wisest & most mature people you know.
Yeah, okay, I know you’re like blinded by the illusion of the internet but for real, I am such an adult. Despite what may turn out to be late onset alcoholism & my occasional bong rips, I am really quite grown up! I take care of myself, my son Zissou & my brother Burlioz (who may or may not fucking eat me– see how brave & levelheaded I am?!). I have a very happy & healthy relationship. I have a cool job that I’m awesome at. I work my ass off pursuing my passions in my spare time. I write really insightful articles for Hello Giggles & I am the pillar of strength in my family & I love mango salsa. I am a fucking adult.
Except when it comes to sex scenes.
Like, why can’t I get it together & not feel like a second grader when two people start boning on screen? I feel so awkward on the inside, like, “Oh god, why am I watching this? I shouldn’t be watching this. This is a private moment that is to be shared between two people… oh god, they’re like fifty. Jesus Christ, PLEASE STOP HAVING AGGRESSIVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE, WALTER WHITE!”
I can say with all honesty that
the only thing that bummed me out more
than watching Up with my grandma,
was watching that horrible sex scene on the stairs
from A History Of Violence with my mom.
I’m twenty-five years old,
going on twenty-six here real quick!
And yet, I just cannot comfortably watch sex scenes.
It all just reminds me of sixth grade.
I was kicked out of sex education.
Yep, during the video,
you know, THE VIDEO,
the one with the penis becoming errect?
Yeah, I burst out into uncontrollable laughter,
which was completely against the sex-ed rules
& I had to sit on the wall outside for the rest of the lesson.
Keep in mind at this point in my life
I was a goody-two-shoes with a bad perm
& a nose six sizes larger than the circumference of my face.
I was not in any position to be getting kicked out of sex-ed.
And that is how I feel during every sex scene ever! Like I should be kicked out for not being an adult about it! Did sixth grade sex-ed ruin my life?! Will I ever be able to watch two fictional characters bone?! Will I even be able to watch Drive?! WILL I ALWAYS BE SITTING ON THE METAPHORICAL WALL OF LIFE STARING DOWN AT MY BEAT-UP SKETCHERS FULL OF SHAME?!
Probably.
But I mean, I’m okay with it.
I have a system that works pretty well
& it’s called “going to the bathroom until it’s over”.
[Currently Listening 2 Teenhäze]
Don’t worry, there’s no sex scene in Drive.
OMG OK COOL THANK YOU!
Unexpected sex scene while watching a movie with distinguished guests (parents/other old people) is the worst. I have to leave the room and hell, I’m almost 30. If I know it’s going to happen, I bail out early. With friends too. I’m mature enough to watch it solo in my own home… so yeah
I BAIL EARLY TOO!!!
hahahahaha too funny! Around parents are the most awkward moments.
Most awkward moment of my life: watching Basic Instinct with my dad.
somehow i forget about the jerk off scene in Smiley Face like, every single fucking time i watch it. and every single time i’m like, oh, wait, shit, this scene again. fuck.
OMG! That History of Violence sex scene was like, the ultimate. You definitely get a pass for that one.
Thank you. It was just too, too much.
Oh it was so reveling to know that smb feels like me, I just cannot watch sex scenes on tv or in the movies. It feels so wrong and so bad. Sometimes frustration leads to tears. Still haven’t figured it out… Maybe it is something to do with the impression people get about the sex.