Dear Nature,
I was under the impression that we were made from the same stuff. I mean, I’m not into God, I’m into Nature. This is how I live my life, like we are all one in the same. Usually, this works out pretty well for me and I do my best to take care of you, Nature. I’ve always been an avid litter-fighter. I’ve always done my best to recycle. I always try to donate to your causes when there are numbers to text to too, Nature. I always thought we were on the same side, you know, like really good sister-friends.
So,
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CONTINUE TO RAPE MY FACE?!
LIKE, SERIOUSLY, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS DISCOURTESY!
At the rate you are going, with the face rapes, I am going to go broke from buying so much Zyrtec just trying to protect myself from your harassment. Do you know how much that shit costs, Nature?! Like, I know you don’t give a shit about money cause you’re fucking Nature but I DIDN’T CHOOSE THE WORLD I WAS BORN INTO. I DIDN’T CHOOSE THAT WE OPERATE ON A DOLLAR SYSTEM AND THAT A BOTTLE OF ZYRTEC IS TWENTY FUCKING DOLLARS. I GUESS I KINDA CHOOSE NOT TO GET A REAL-LIFE JOB AND NOT MAKE REAL-PEOPLE MONEY BUT STILL NATURE, I FIGURED YOU, OF ALL ENTITIES, WOULD UNDERSTAND ME JUST TRYING TO BE TRUE TO MY ORGANIC SELF. BUT NO. YOU DON’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
THE ONLY THING YOU UNDERSTAND
IS THAT I AM SEVERELY ALLERGIC
TO EVERYTHING.
I just would like to enjoy you, Nature. I would like to go outside after work and enjoy the sunshine & springy scenery. Why are you keeping me from enjoying your wonders?! What the fuck is your purpose if not to make the world an awesome place for me to fucking enjoy?!
I would like to also be able to go out in public without my eyes looking like blood-red golf balls sticking out of my face. I’d like to not look like Rudolph for like, A DAY, and it’d be great if I didn’t have to carry around hankies. I don’t like carrying around hankies because boogers are gross but it’s better than using up a roll of toilet paper BECAUSE THAT IS HARMFUL TO YOU.
See what I did there?!
I’M A CONSIDERATE PERSON, NATURE.
Plus, I hate the one ply my work stocks.
Like, seriously, people who buy one ply
ARE THOUGHTLESS ASSHOLES
who obviously don’t have vaginas or allergies.
But that is neither here nor there,
a tangent for another time,
the point is WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, NATURE?!?!
I am not the only person you are alienating, Nature.
You are ruining the lives of MILLIONS.
And sure, maybe some of them are dicks,
and you deserve to seek some well-warranted revenge.
You know,
people who pour paint down the drain
or still drive Hummer H2s,
you know, those are the people
that qualify for this kind of punishment!
But as a seven year Girl Scout and a devote lover of Nature,
I’ve got to say, FUCK YOU, DUDE.
THIS SHIT IS FUCKED.
Love,
Marissa A. Ross
[Currently Listening 2 Link Wray]
girl i feel you. im a claritin junkie
UGH! i know. i ate a whole box of claritin while camping last year!
ps. love ur tumblr! xo
I have had to resort to cutting my booze intake to subsidize my Zyrtec/prescription eye allergy drops/moisturizer purchases and now I wear sunglasses indoors for fear that my alien eyelids will offend the masses.
I feeeeel ya girrrrlll! Xoxo!
DUDE, RIGHT?! so cutting into our lifestylezzz.
Just for good measure! The working antihistamine in Zytrec is Cetrizine, which is added to common drug store mixes that work exactly as well and cost about a fourth if not half the price of brand name Zyrtec. Doesn’t exactly end world hunger but least your bank account doesn’t have to get raped too (:Try Walgreens. Their shit is pretty legit.
Really?! I tried it last year and it totally didn’t work for me! But maybe I will give it another try. Another helpful thing is local honey, I’ve found.
Just look for the ingredient on the box. Make sure it contains either cetrizine or loratidine and you should be good. And the honey, yes. But my most recent trip to whole foods consisted of a measurable amount of time in the “honey and nut-butters aisle”, gawking at honey prices. Honey prices. I gawked so hard, some rando felt the need to stand next to me and find out what all the gawking was about…. 38 dollars, 38 DOLLARS for a 10oz. jar of “local honey”? I about shit. I understand that it’s wholefoods or whatever and they tend to overcharge, but WTF. ITS HONEY. I haven’t really had the gumption to go honey searching at any farmers markets around here yet but a finger in the right direction would be greatly appreciated! I just moved to LA, specifically Sherman Oaks and I still can’t figure this grid thing out.. Don’t judge.
OMG i’m so with you except i don’t use cold drugs i just eat a lot of mandarins. it doesn’t really work though cause one time i sneezed really hard and blew out a nose membrane and then i found like i could blow air through my tear ducts or some shit. i mean it was amazeballs i was like superhuman for 2 whole days but with the crappiest power in the history of the world, i mean who can crime fight with only the puffs of air from their eyes?
LOLOLOLLZZZ, aw girl, manderins are delicious but yeah, my allergies are so bad I have to turn to drugs!