Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of lady bushes, mostly on Tumblr because that is where people go to post pictures without context & occasionally, full frontal nudity. Now, not to get too personal with my hygienic habits but I personally do not subscribe to the bush. It’s just something I quit and now, nearly ten years later, I’m dating this dude that is really super into “nature” & “vintagey shit” & “babes” which, after being bombarded with all the 1970′s wild women imagery got me thinking, like, should I have a bush?
Like, does he secretly wish I had one,
but never says anything because
that’s something that would be, kind of awkward to say to someone
who’s never even remotely showed signs of even having pubic hair
as long as you’ve known her?
Like, if he had said something, I probably would have been like
WHOAWHOAWHOA I WANT NO PART OF UR ROCKY MTN HIGH REGIME!
But now, now that I see basically all our guy friends are huge fans of the bush,
it has really made me question my life decisions.
So last night, over our stir fry,
I was like, “Hey, would you prefer if I had a bush?”
And he looked at me kinda like he was saying, “UMMMM…”
And I was like, “Cause if you want me to grow a bush, we can talk about it.”
He then explained that he really didn’t care either way because, basically, we don’t have a stream in our backyard, let alone a backyard to have a stream in. But if we did have a lot of land & a stream, he’d probably want a bush cause we’d probably be like running around naked a lot and you know, you need a little coverage. That made sense to me and I then finished my dinner with the comfort of knowing he did not secretly resent my pruning practices.
But then he starts talking about buying land in Montana
& like, going & being all fucking wilderness-y & I’m like,
YOU DO WANT A BUSH! YOU DO! YOU WANT TO GET ME INTO A BIG FIELD IN THE COUNTRY, WITH ME & MY BUSH! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! YOU JUST DON’T CARE NOW BECAUSE I’M ALWAYS CLOTHED BUT IDEALLY,
I’D BE NAKED IN SOME FOREST!
WITH A BUSH!
Keep in mind, being a woman, I made all that up in my head but totally believed it because, being a woman, I know everything about everything & everyone.
But then I started drin…thinking. Like, really thinking about how it would be actually kind of cool if Dudefriend just bought a bunch of land in Montana & I got to live there & just like, drink whisky & write & like, clean house all day. That’d be cool. I’d have like, grass & pet deer. And I mean, if we were just like way out in nature doing our thing, I probably would just cruise around naked because, what’s the point of not? If you can go like, skinny dipping at your leisure because your dudefriend is mad rich & bought a commune or some bullshit in the sticks, then, yeah, you know in that situation, the bush makes sense
because I would need protection against the elements.
Montana has four seasons, you know.
But like, look at this broad,
I could be that broad. Me & her have a lot in common, it’s just I usually do that with my clothes on because I am not much of a free spirit but I can work on that. I can work on being free spirited & naked if Dudefriend buys us a ranch!
I don’t know guys, I’m just tiring of my “suburban girl in the city” thing.
Maybe a bush would be good for me, you know, cultivate some moral fibers.
Maybe I’d grow a free spirit & write beautiful novels about nature & love,
instead of scheming ways to get prescriptions without health insurance
& writing fractions of thoughts in one hundred & forty characters.
TOO BAD ONLY THE FUTURE & MY VAGINA WILL EVER KNOW!!!
SUUUCCCKKEERRRRRSSSSS!!!
Canned Heat: Goin’ Up Country.
Check out my favorite Tumblr, Jemez Mountain Hawks,
it’s honestly embarrassing how much self-restraint I have to use
not to reblog everything my bro Dameon posts.
LOL, love you girl
the lambert LOL is greater than a daytime emmy in my book.
love u too girlfriend, thanks so much. <3
that’s an extremely dramatic bush, but to be completely honest, i haven’t been totally bare in quite some time and uh, yeah, i can say that i have definitely spent significantly more time naked because of it.
SO THERE’S THAT.
good to know, added 2 my bush notes.
best rant ever. hands down.
thank you so much!
classic
miss u chakz, can’t wait to be back in bk sippin’ on bloodies for six hours straight.
Once you go bush you never go back. Truth.
i’m all about changing with the seasons. gives me an excuse to be lazy in the winter. plus that way i get to mix it up and hubby gets to pretend he’s with two totally different women.
you should try everything once.
also, funniest blog post i’ve ever read.
DUDE GREAT IDEA! even though we only have like 1 1/2 seasons.
& thank you so much. <3
Hey, a bunch of comments. Funny how vulvas attract those.
I say bush on the left, no bush on the right.
i am a recent convert to bush-ism!
i went bare for about three years, two of which i was dating a dudefriend who also would have preferred i have bush. but for some reason i was neurotically opposed to the idea. then we broke up and i stopped caring so much about my lady-labes and just kind of let nature… flourish…
now i have a well-kept bush and will never ever ever go back. it’s a lot more comfortable and i am never selfconscious. however, i will always represent my ladiez who choose to go bush-free – i have a friend who thinks it’s seriously disgusting and wrong to shave/wax and i tell her on a regular basis to suck it. like women need another thing to be judged on, you know?
if you’re curious about bush-ing it, just try it. if it doesn’t work for you, you can still be a free spirit in the woods & write beautiful novels with a bald beaver.
p.s. i love your blog. been reading through your tumblr for the past hour or so!
aw i love you thanks so much for this comment! plus, i’m totally with you. i think ladies should be free to do it up! however that may be.
Grow it out, but keep it regulated until he buys you that farm in Montana. Bushes are fun times! Ironically, it’s like a blank canvas!
soooo funny you write just like you talk! It’s so entertaining and I’m hooked!
Thank you!
You. Are. AMMazing. I just fell in love.
Your writing is so entertained me, i was on the fence about this bloging business and you my friend just pushed my over to the bogging side of the fence, You pushed me ever so kindly of course with a few giggles as well. ANYYways, your great and you will now be a daily part of my Surfing of the web!
So Marissa, I very totally accidentally came across your blog…my gf had her XMas party today, she forgot to buy her gift, so picked up a bottle of red from our wine closet…knowing nothing about the wine, she asked me how good it was, and if it decent for the expected price range of $15-20…I told her I would look it up, QUAIL OAK red wine…and that is how I came across you…your video review of the wine, and then your blog here at Tangents and Times…
Ha ha…I love the freebie way that you write…that you don’t give a rat’s ass about what words you use, you write like the way you spoke on your wine review…and I love it…pretty honest, pretty funny, and pretty sexy is how I would describe you !
Write me back, I’d like to hear your response…and then we can talk BIJNIS !!!