Tangents & The Times

While I was in the Midwest, everyone was like,
YO WHAT ABOUT THOSE DAISY DUKES / BIKINI ON TOPS?!
& I was like, whoaaa…
how do you know what I wear to work?!?!

Apparently, there is this Katy Perry song called “California Gurls”,
which also confused me because they would be like,
“You know that song, ‘California Gurls’?”
And I was like, “Yeah, I love the Beach Boys.”
And they were like, “LOLOLOLLLLZZZZ.”

So after I was laughed at, I watched the video to educate myself.

The point is, Katy Perry, aside from the Daisy Dukes and bikinis, is like totally filling people’s heads with nonsense with this video. Like, first of all, this ain’t Candyland, alright? I’m really questioning whether this bitch is actually indigenous cause unless this whole video is a euphemism for weed, she is way off base. Nothing is white here. This ain’t no winter fucking wonderland. Like, on the real, there are no ice cream cones chillin’ on the side of the road. That shit barely lasts in your kitchen let alone in the sun. And another real fact, YOU’D NEVER EAT THE CLOUDS HERE. EVER. LIKE, SERIOUSLY, THOSE AREN’T EVEN CLOUDS. THAT’S SMOG.

Also, mad curious as to how she managed to lose all her clothes while climbing up that candy cane to the cloud, cause like, she had some serious stockings on and an entire get-up made of high fructose corn syrup. Shit couldn’t have been easy. Props 4 those skills, fuh’shooo.

I dunno. I mean, I “get” it’s just a “music video” but there are people out there taking this shit as truth & who are asking us natives if we’re “fine, fresh & fierce”, which, I mean, is mad true OBVI, but the only chicks with blue hair around these parts are fat & still wear creepers. Just sayin’.

UGHHHH HERE’S A TRUE FACT ABOUT CALIFORNIA GIRLS:
WE GET MAD BUMMED WHEN
OUR FAVE FLIP FLOPS BREAK OUTTA NOWHERE!!!

We also apparently:
- Start drinking at two.
- Do not brush our hair.
- Do not have real jobs.

WE GOT IT ON LOCK!!!