So far, I am enjoying the Midwest.
The first thing I did when I got off the plane,
was eat cheese fries & drink a THREE DOLLAR GOBLET OF BEER
which was REALLY, REALLY AWESOME considering
a tall boy almost costs that much in my hood.
Then I went to the wedding rehearsal dinner
for an evening of cheese pizza with a side of Classic Lays.
So, what I’m saying is, the last like month of trying to work out & look like a babe for my Midwestern vacation was foiled within the first six hours of my arrival in Illinois. Within those first six hours, I also learned that the only thing anyone here knows about Los Angeles is that Illinois’ traffic does not have shit on LA traffic. Which, is true.
It’s just funny cause we got stuck in probably four separate traffic jams, with different parties and each of the parties would begin to bitch about traffic & then say, “Oh, well, we probably shouldn’t be complaining to you guys!”
which is fucking true.
Glad they all caught themselves.
[Currently Listening 2 FUCK YES NEW MONSTER RALLY]
While you’re in the Midwest (I’m from southern Indiana and Northern Kentucky — if you have time, dash across the borders!), be sure to visit an authentic TRUCK STOP. I’m talking about the hickabilly stop that looks trashier than Merlotte’s Place in True Blood, more back-woods than Daniel Boone’s outhouse. THEN you can say you’ve been to the Midwest and survived!
God, fuck LA traffic. Also fuck everything else about LA.
I feel like I recognize that Monster Rally break…. I can’t put my chubby little finger on it though.