Tangents & The Times

Sooooo, I was… you know, getting out of the shower & hanging out…
alone… and
I got to thinking about Dudefriend’s ideas of my “masturbation session”.
I couldn’t believe he said Tim The Tool Man.
Like, yeah, sure, Tim Allen was a babe circa ’92 but he just conjures up like, seven year old Marissa memories, which are the last things I need around when I’m trying to… concentrate.

Now,
I’m going to be honest & say I’m surprised Dudefriend didn’t say this one,
but my true 90′s tv dude I’d maybe admit to… thinking about shirtless is

LIKE A SEXY 90'S DANCE MIX W/ A SIDE OF LOLZ & MOUTHFUL OF CHEST HAIR.

DUH!
JERRY!

& that face,
the one he’s making,
was not chosen out of lack of Google images.
No,
I deliberately picked that one.
See, that is the face Jerry makes when he’s a little bit stumped and has to think for a second about something to say that will inevitably more funny than what you really said but hey, at least you made him work a little.
He also does it when things don’t go as he plans
and when you’re severely annoying.
But I like to think of it as “stumping him with my wit” when I’m…
thinking about it.
If I had to think about it, like, Jerry Seinfeld in bed with me,
I think that’d be his O Face, ya know?
Like I was worrying him, like, “Holy shit, I’m going to blow my load all over this broad’s face if I don’t get her jollies off like NOWWWWW”.

I will add with that statement that I do actually care about how women are treated and represented in the media, as you can see from my one & only tweet during the Super Bowl.

See, I realize I am not the most respectful of women sometimes in my writing because I think it’s funny. I’m not trying to sell anything (aside from ad space and maybe a future television pilot but whatevz) by having naked women read my blog in the bathtub or by saying women are the devil that will ruin your life and never let you have your Dodge Charger (WHAT THE FUCK). I’m just having fun.

And I hate Dodge Chargers.