So, this morning, some of you may have seen this:
The ones of you that saw it, just like the ones who are just seeing it now, are probably like, “WTF is this broad talking about?! She can’t even hold a glass of wine let alone coordinate swinging from permanent constructions on plots of land.”
Which is very true.
But I did have to have some mad maneuvers this morning.
It all started with me waking up at Dudefriend’s…
So, I wake up and he drives me to my house before we go to work. Today is the one day in the history of my work where I have been instructed that I HAVE to be in at eight. I’m always in at eight but everyone got an email last night to get there on time.
Of course, I’m thinking nothing of that.
Like whatttteverrr, I’m always on time.
I get to my door and open my purse
only to find
my keys
NOT
THERE.
Like any other woman with a big bag, I dump my shit out and go through it like five times before frantically calling Dudefriend, hoping he’d either say
“yeah you forgot them at my house”
or “I will come and rip the bars off your windows, M’Lady!”
But instead
he just didn’t pick up.
So, I did what any other woman would do
& screeched in frusteration.
Like really loud.
Then I realized my bedroom window was unlocked!
& without bars!
The only problem was the reason it doesn’t have bars is because
well, this is where I was just about to add a picture.
But then I started to think that was a bad idea.
Mostly because I’m stoned
& secondly because I don’t want people knowing what my casa looks like.
This ain’t Foursquare after Google buys it and adds street views.
(Honestly, I am so happy right now my internet connection sucks and doesn’t load things fast enough cause I wasthisclosetobeingsuckedintotheGoogleMapsstreetview black hole, in which case this post would have gotten lost in the draft pile I’d pretend I’d get back to but know I’ll never be “in the moment” again.)
What the picture would have shown is how my house is built on a hill and thus my room protrudes out over a very small ravine and my windows are probably like, I dunno like 20 feet from the ground (keep in mind my idea of any sort of increment that involves measuring aside from parts of my own body are 90% wrong- but it’s high!).
I just realized what a tale this was becoming.
Shit.
Okay, sooo I found a ladder of my landlords, scaled the ravine IN MY NEW BOOTS, perched the ladder on uneven loose soil, then opened the window while teetering and screeching once more, knock my radio/iPod combo (I’m into combos, also still got the Insigna Tv/DVD com’b going) off the sill, break it, throw my phone in WHICH WAS A STUPID IDEA CONSIDERING AT THAT POINT I COULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN IT BACK, then kinda hop to the window and I’m like, half way in half way out hanging over the ravine and then I had to use the little to no upper body strength to pull myself in (which took approximately two and a half minutes).
Hey, you guys?
Have you ever started a story & then you get so far into it you just can’t put your ego aside- you’re just so embarrassed on the inside!!!- to stop talking & then you rush to the end & quickly think up some bullshit & everyone laughs & forgives you for stealing seven minutes of their lives because laughter is the best medicine for even social diseases like longwindedness/narcissism/short term memory loss due to long term marijuana useage?
I wish this was real life so I’d be assured that was happening right now. <3
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