I’ve had a lot of time to think about how self-centered (although I completely brushed off the notion that I was a drunk by drinking a bottle of the holiday red table wine by Monsieur Sháw, TAKE THAT) I am and realize that maybe I have been unfair to Dudefriend. Maybe I have been using him against his will for my interwebzical galavanting in the name of the LOLz. Maybe I haven’t fully appreciated every single, elegantly cooked Marissa-Crazy-Diet-Where-She-Isn’t-Quite-Vegan-But-Tries-And-Fails-But-Still-Has-Convictions-For-Even-Though-She-Lacks-The-Will-Power-To-Give-Up-Cheese-Entirely friendly meal he’s prepared for me and maybe I didn’t fold his laundry like I promised while he was out buying me mimosa rations and maybe I should have just dropped off the Blockbuster videos instead of going to get high and maybe… no, not maybe, I AM seeing the error of my ways.
And subsequently, Dudefriend, my succulent sweetpeach, I am sorry.
I am sorry all the simple tasks I didn’t complete due to my untreated ADHD while you slaved to keep me happy. All the times I forgot my wallet and you bought me Morning Star Buffalo Wings. All the times you let me drool on you at like, 10:30 when we were supposed to be watching Dexter cause I’m a GMa & fall asleep as soon as I hit the sheets. All the sweet nothings you’d whisper in my ear as you relentlessly tickled me while I struggled to beat the shit out of you. All those feasts you bestowed upon my famished varnished Ikea kitchen table I nom’d the shit of without a second thought of the love you poured into each serving, selflessly. The back rubs and beer runs and kisses. And the way you kept me in check. Wthout you I am a raging arrogant internet whore whose soul could be sold for Molls’ success. But when you are in my life, I am the closest I’ve been to balanced since my bout with Lexapro. It’s as though the clouds of twenty three years opened up; I’ve been waiting so long to get where I’m going, in the sunshine of your love. I’m WITH YOU my love. The light’s shinin’ through on you. YES I AM WITH YOU MY LOVE!!!
Ahem.
The point is, I’m out to win thy/thee/thou/your heart back.
My father always told me to treat everything like a business deal,
with that in mind as well as Dudefriend’s recent comments
(ie: “I wish i could have started all over, with like a resume or something…”),
I have decided to not crawl back in tears and shame,
but to act from a place of pride and offer up my resume.
Well, actually, not gonna lie.
I really hate working within the confines of the Word templates but I don’t know how to make it look as suburban house wife snazzy without it so I’ve only gotten as far as the heading.
I feel like it’s a good header, you know, it accurately expresses who I am as well as what I stand for.
Pheeeewwwfff, easy part DONEZO.
Alright next…
OBJECTIVE.
Yeah, that’s next… TIME.
Cause I’m outta wine and I gotta walk my ass to the store.
Sorry, Dudefriend & Co.
You’re going to have to come back for the conclusions.
But I had to have won a couple points with the Cream reference ehhh ?!?!? EHHH ?!?!
No?
Okay… well, thought I’d try.
Well, I am listening to Mulatu Astatke though for realz.
Not cool?
Well… that is just a bold stated LIE.
[...] The Objective (Part Two of ‘The Resume’). 7 12 2009 [Editor's Note: Late comers, get up to speed with the Resume Part One.] [...]
[...] References (Part Six, The Final Installment of “The Resume”). 24 12 2009 [Editor's note: OH COME ON!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST MONTH?! Sigh. Check out the beginning of this saga right hurrr.] [...]