Tangents & The Times

Late last night, I got a text from a number I didn’t have saved in my phone with a message stating there was suddenly an acid hook up and to get at him asap.
Let’s ignore the fact about an unknown number trying to sell me drugs on the late night and get to brass tacks…

Acid ?
Really ?
I don’t have time to do acid…
Sure, it would be great if I had enough spare time to escape into coloring euphonies for fifteen hours but I don’t.
And that’s what would happen.
I would obsess over fine tipped Sharpies for fifteen hours, write really sentimental notes to all my friends that will leave them totally wtf’d out, hypothesize about the meaning of my local car wash getting painted mint-teal and demand strawberry/vanilla In & Out milkshakes.

Not saying I've done acid, just saying I know what it's like to be really into fine tipped Sharpies.

Not that any of that has ever happened…

But I imagine I would wake up after horrid self-actualizing dreams and feel completely out of touch, questioning the world, my relevance, 60 Watt Kid and the Tao for at least another day; putting me out for approximately forty hours all together.

That’s not smoking a bowl.
That’s a commitment.
A commitment I can’t make,
dude-I-don’t-think-I-know-trying-to-push-me-drugs-via-text.
I have way too many other “real life” commitments.
Like my job(s), the other lives I am responsible for (Zissou), writing (which is different than blogging, kthnx), blogging, eating Dudefriend’s food/smoking his weed, going to Trader Joe’s/Target, listening to Wayne Dyer, blowing tons of executive cock for upward mobility and catching up with Mad Men.

And I mean, that’s not even when my plate is full.
So, no, bro-that’s-probably-not-saved-in-my-phone-on-purpose, I am not interested in buying any lysergic acid at this juncture in time, thank you.
Although, I understand we’re in a recession.
So, I’ve compiled a list of possible markets for you.

People Who Like The Desert.

Everyone loves doing acid in the desert. It’s a scientific fact. So, I am thinking you could make a killing in a desert market, ya know? Get the hell out of LA where people have schedules to keep and hit up the likes of those Desert Denizens of Tatooine, maybe some senior citizens in Palm Springs. The possibilities are endless.

Introspective Young Philosizing Bloggers That Listen To Animal Collective.

I know their type. Easy sell. They’re young. They’re naive. They have plenty of time between Astronomy 100 and bong tokes. They want to be Carles’ next meme. Just get ‘em talking…

“I know, it’s crazy right ?! It tooootally sounds like Animal Collective has been doing acid for, like, EVER. Their sound is so complex with all its layers… just like life.
Life.
Layers.
Layer Life Cake.
Want it on my birthday.
Every day is my birthday.
I am born again
every
day.
I WANT TO DO ACID.
& it’s going to be so ‘meaningful’.
You know, like,
with the quotes.”

& Bam. Drug Deal.

Babies.

Explains itself.