Tangents & The Times

So, it’s Sunday which means I’m already kind of drunk because it’s my day off and I love day drunk.
So, I’m a little vulnerable.
And I’m going to talk about something that’s really putting a wrench in my heart strings:
TWITTER.

I love Twitter. So much. But the problem lies in the fact that I personally know a lot of people. And when those people get Twitters and I’m like “OMG let’s follow eachoth… oh, okay… I’ll follow you and you… you aren’t going to follow me… oh, okay…” and then what follows is a lot of RL emoticons like this: :*( :O.

BECAUSE IT HURTS MY FEELINGS !
On the inside.
I would never actually approach anyone with the issue in question. I would probably just act out passive aggressively and next time they see me and try to hug me, I would make them shake my hand. Because friends hug and obviously we’re not friends if I’m not even worthy of being followed when everyone knows I’m entertaining… maybe not always via Tweets but in RL almost always and that should be enough. And when they ask a favor of me, I’m going to laugh in their face until they figure out that they have offended me via the internets and start @replying me like a motherfucker.

But then it’s like I can’t stop following them because then they’ll know it’s bothering me and I’m way too cool for that shit. I have composure and confidence that intimidates even the most upstanding of citizens soooo yeah… too much pride to stop following once I’ve started following unless they just update too much or not enough then it’s like, “dude this is pointless.”

People should have to pass a test to get a Twitter.
You must either be informative, entertaining or someone famous, in which case you don’t have to be informative or entertaining because people would buy your old loofahs let alone eat up any shit you Tweet about.

Sometimes I am informative. Sometimes I am entertaining. I have more followers than I follow so I think I am a (very, very) small time Twitter success.

Back to the point.
How Twitter breaks spirits.

I don’t know what’s worse- not getting followed at all or being UNFOLLOWED.
That is a real kick to the ego. It’s so disheartening. It’s not like you’re aware it happens. Yes, you are notified when someone starts following you but not when they decide you’re a waste of their real-time status updates. I mean, really? Me? I’m THAT horrid? How is that possible? I mean, Rebekah tagged me in her FBook photo with all the silly little creatures with names like “The Cute One”… yeah, she tagged me as “The Funny One”. And she’s pretty hard to please so if she thinks I’m funny then I probably am. It just really hurts and I get :*( on the inside a bit but hide it from the world…

And then that makes me want to do this…
WELL FINE ! YOU WANT TO UNFOLLOW ME ?! I’LL UNFOLLOW YOUR ASS ANY DAY OF THE FUCKING WEEK YOU SCUM SUCKING COLORLESS-TWEET COMPILING CUNT !!!

Yeah, so I unfollow them back.
BOOYUH.

Other things that bum me out on Twitter:
1. Not getting @replies from people you @reply when you take hours to be really witty & even change your icon to a sexy pic.
2. People I <3 in RL but on Twitter they are so pointless… cool, you’re watching TV. Great. Thnx for that epic glimpse into your life.
3. People I <3 in RL but they update wayyy too much about… also pointless shit. And even some of it is kind of interesting but I mean, really dude? I feel like I only Twitter that much when I’m somewhere by myself and I need to look busy/important/unapproachable on my Blackberry.
For Numbers 2 & 3: perfect examples of why they need the Twitter test.

I guess I just have to not take Twitter personally.
Sure, Rob Hubel doesn’t @reply me back but why do I care? His own peers think he’s a tool in a long sleeve / short sleeve layered uniform (layers are for girls who work at Nordstrom and HAVE to wear three of them [I know this from personal experience kthnx]) and it’s not like he’s hot and I totally want to beat some guts so whatever.
And there are plenty of people in RL that don’t like me I’m sure.
And, I mean, if everyone did like me, I’d be doing something wrong, right?
You gotta break some eggs to make an omlette…

Theoretically, even I know that doesn’t make sense but shut up, so I can feel better.

Alright, time for Marissmosas because its Sunday at the (my) Treehouse.
Today’s Marissmosa is Pink Lemonade Flavored.
Basically I take something alcoholic / bubbly and add Trader Joe’s organic Pink Lemonade and dream about the stud that worked there and consider writing a missed connection.
That makes all the difference in the world.