Once upon a Christmas time in two-thousand and six, I wanted to get the best present ever for my best big bro in the world, Andrew P. Glover.
Andrew only enjoys a couple things: Wii, Christmas / shitty romantic movies, Biggie, Sky Vodka and my salsa. After a lot of searching, I found THE BEST GIFT EVER:
BIGGIE SMALLS ACTION FIGURE !
Andrew had just gotten (or was about to?) Biggie tattooed on his forearm and subsequently, I thought this was the most ingenious gift giving of all time. I was so stoked to give it to him, I couldn’t even wait for Christmas.
Well, Andrew has a best friend named Jon. Andrew loved my present so much he went and showed Jon. This was much to Jon’s dismay considering he also bought Andrew a Biggie Smalls action figure, thinking it was the most ingenious gift giving of all time. And I stole his thunder.
Jon is not the kind of guy you want to steal thunder from. He subsequently harassed me with incomprehensible screams, assaulted me with a machete, tried to strangle me with a jersey and generally “hated” on me for the entirety of two-thousand & seven. Luckily by the time New Years rolled around, we made up.
THE END !
This Christmas Jon is still wreaking havoc.
Now just all up in Revolver with the rest of Winds of Plague.
Check out the entire article in the new issue.
Don’t trip over all the Metal names I dropped.
