Tangents & The Times

After a small holiday hiatus (I was busy contemplating what I was thankful for & then expressing my thanks for family, friends, health, still-existent income, the decriminalization of marijuana, Le Parc suites, the new Walkmen album, Target, the ‘block user’ option of networking sites & Clorox antibacterial wipes), I am back with a fresh fervor that has been dormant since last December. The kind of zeal & zest that could only be brought out by the Xmas season !

Ah, yes, December. I love it. And I imagine a lot of you are going to be going to dinner parties or hosting some of your own. So, I decided to post about a little cook book that could definitely add a little individuality as well as sense of passion to your next soiree. This cook book could also serve as a fantastic gift for your sex addicted best friend, your favorite hooker or, hell, even your parents !

I give you:

Natural Harvest- A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes

Yes, you thought Cum Omlettes were the end all… so did I until my friend (who will remain nameless to avoid being associated with such horrifyingly foul kitchen etiquette) informed me that cooking with cum really isn’t so strange. Apparently, it is like a “good wine” which you have to become acquired to. I mean, if it warranted a $25 book, it must be an up&coming thing. We’re totally going to have a jizz bar next to El Prado by this time next year, serving up Almost White Russians as well as Tuna Sushimi with dipping sauce- both recipes you can find in the Natural Harvest book.

I think I might buy it. You see, after you’re dating someone for a bit, it’s nice to cook for them. How excited and impressed would my gentlemen callers be if I said, “Hey, honey, I’m going to blow you & then you’re going to ejaculate right into this pan (that’s what they suggest in the book). Then I am going to use your sweet nectar to enhance that Tiramasu I’ve been bragging about to you for weeks [wink]…”

I think I would be married by the end of ’09 with orgasmic meals like that
(bah… bahahhahaaaa).

My favorite part of the book may actually be the introduction, which includes a disclaimer:

This cookbook is written for consenting diners of semen. Please do not add semen to your guests’ food without informing them beforehand.

Yeah, because that would be just down right rude.
Not to mention HORRIFYING.

So, who’s ready for a white Christmas… dinner ?!

heh. heh. heh.

(I feel sick… I love having “cum cooking” & “marissa a. ross” in my tag line.
CLASSY, I know, Dad.)