Today my dear friend, Andrew P. Glover, came to me.
“Tangents and the Times needs to cover this. You have to cover it dude. Its news, its your duty.”
How could I say no ?
Of course, I ventured into the unknown void of the internet on his council, unsure of what I would find but knowing it would be interesting.
I had no idea how horrified I would soon become after looking at the beatest cooking show on the internet: CumOmlette.com.
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
I’m not joking dude. This is absolutely devoid of morals or taste and it is highly revolting.
But it is still my obligation to let you know that there are people out there EATING CUM OMLETTES.
I will also take this time to say hey, Dad. I don’t support people making omlettes out of cum and it weirds me out you know how to use the internet. I know you’re going to send this to your friends, but don’t tell me about it. I love you, see you Saturday.
Ahem, alright. Back to business.
This is seriously, one of the most disgusting things I have ever made myself watch. If you can get past the first twenty seconds, they literally whip up a jizz omlette. A brunette dressed like Chef Boyardee then feeds it to an obviously depraved and self-esteem deprived butt-naked blond on the floor.
Who are these people ?
And how much are they getting paid ?
Because honestly, I think I’d have one big ass price tag for such atrocious acts.
I mean, at least a buck fifty.
Another horrifying discovery a friend brought to my attention: the use of Dogwool.
Yes, DOG WOOL.
Not equally but still definitely HORRIFYING. These are the same creeps that stuff their passed pets and keep them next to their Laz-E-Boys to caress while watching The Andy Griffith Show.
Hm, what to do this evening…
I still have to watch those Netflix !
So, who wants to watch cuddle up on my Zissou-fur couch & stir up some semen for supper ?
Heh… jokes ! Get it ?
Not funny ?
Okay, sorry, Mom.
You’re right, this is inappropriate.
