19 11 2013

http://marissaaross.tumblr.com

http://wineallthetime.tumblr.com

xoxoxoxoxooxox





#SUMMERFOREVERRR, for Weekly Tape Deck

14 08 2012

Originally posted on Weekly Tape Deck

>>>[GET THE MIX]<<<

It may be August, but summer only ends if you let it. The excitement of June, the rush of running into the ocean, hot concrete, short shorts, the warm nights with friends gathered around wine & weed & your favorite records. Those estival sentiments, those are forever. It’s probably a lot easier to be this delusional here in Los Angeles, but I truly believe all you need is good music, good company and good vibes.

And just under the buzzer, here’s a mix to help make your summer last all year round, with love from me to you. Enjoy it with a cold one & your favorite people to laugh with.

Tracklist included in the .zip. xoxo

>>>[DON'T STOP GET IT GET IT]<<<





A Tangent About Free Plastic Surgery For Bullied Kids.

27 07 2012

We recently got cable,
which was a huge deal.
I haven’t had cable
in five years.

Accordingly, Dudefriend started watching CNN in the morning, which at first, I thought was a good idea. You know, keep up with current events, maybe catch some stupid shit Mitt Romney said, watch Bill Nye talk about global warming.

But after this morning,
I think CNN is a piece of shit.

The first reason,
is because they had a headline that read,
“Where was God in Aurora?”

I’m not even going to bother going in to that because if you think that is an appropriate question to be on what is supposed to be an objective news source (HA), then you are a part of the problem & I don’t have time to deal with you right now.

What really has me going though,
is this free plastic surgery for bullied kids bullshit.

This morning they ran a story on a perfectly normal looking preteen girl. By “perfectly normal looking”, I mean she looked like an average kinda gawky middle schooler, just like everyone else looks at that age. She wasn’t ugly, she just hadn’t grown into her ears. She was going to look just fine by the time she got through puberty.

But since the first grade, she was made fun of for her ears & subsequently, she is now a shy person & feels her ears are ruining her life & she convinced her dumb fucking parents to let her get free plastic surgery to get them pinned back.

Only once she got her ears pinned,
the surgeon savior realized,
she also would need
her nose & her chin done.

Because pinning her ears back would make her slightly angled nose & chin more prominent & then she would assumedly be made fun of for that.

So, now this girl any of us could have gone to junior high with, has a completely new face. This perfectly normal adolescent now has what she considers a perfect face.

The problem I have with this
is that I was exactly like this girl,
except instead of huge ears, I had a huge nose.

I was made fun of mercilessly for my nose from first grade until now, since most YouTube commenters are still fourteen apparently. I hated my nose & felt it was ruining my life. Kids at school called me “Rat Face”, which was eventually abbreviated to “Rat”. In junior high, boys would talk to me with their palm on their forehead, making this huge, 90 degree angle in front of their face to demonstrate what it was like talking to me. It was humiliating & I dreamed of the day I could get a nose job because when I told my parents I was being made fun of for my nose & that I wanted a nose job, they told me FUCK NO.

And I’m so glad they did
AND YES I’M GOING TO TELL YOU WHY!

Being bullied made me a stronger person. It was horrible in the thick of it, but now I am a awesome individual because of it. It built character & a thick skin, two very valuable assets outside the confines of math class that no surgeon can cut, inject or sculpt out of you. That’s the real shit right there. That’s life. That makes you who the fuck you are.

For me, I built up two defense mechanisms during those years of being bullied. I lived by the belief that if I made fun of myself before anyone else could, I could control the joke. Instead of being laughed at, I was laughing with them. The second defense mechanism was being a sarcastic little bitch. If I hadn’t had to develop those skills at an early age, I would not be the snide, self-deprecating piece of shit blogger you see here today.

And to be honest,
I really like my nose now!

I had to grow into it, and it’s not perfect, but I think it compliments me & my personality quite well.

Had my parents been like,
“OF COURSE WE’LL GET YOU A NOSE JOB
FOR 8TH GRADE GRADUATION, SWEETHEART!”
who knows what I’d look like or who I’d be today.

Being bullied isn’t new.
And yes, I realize the internet makes it worse.
BUT I TOO HAD THE INTERNET. AND DON’T THINK FOR A SECOND I DIDN’T GET HARASSED ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE I DID. AND IT WAS MEAN. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU PICK YOURSELF UP BY YOUR AIM MESSENGER NAME & YOU GO START A BLOG OR SOME SHIT & WHINE ABOUT IT & LISTEN TO EMO MUSIC JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

I find this plastic surgery for bullied kids deeply disconcerting as it deprives them the chance to be the person they were born to be.

But, then again,
maybe not everyone is so strong.
Maybe I just have dope-personality genes.
Maybe plastic surgery will stop the bullying
& subsequently stop some psycho from shooting up a school.

I guess there’s arguments both ways.

My final stance is that
I hope my kids grow up fucking ugly so they turn out to be fucking kick-ass adults. No one great as an adult was the cute kid in grade school. It’s always us losers with big ears or four eyes or extra long extremities that go on to kill it because if you’re a cute kid, everything goes your way & you never have to work for shit & you don’t have to develop kindness or a sense of humor or a big brain to have friends or enjoyment. You’re just cute & everyone likes you & you grow up & go to college & get fat & I get to laugh at you on Facebook because despite all the cool, admirable qualities I got out of being made fun of,
I am also a spiteful, petty asshole.





THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU #THANKYOU

24 07 2012

Well, my blog is officially four years old & it’s pretty fucking awesome & nuts that I went from blogging in an empty showroom drinking Ikea Tupperwares full of rum & writing nonsense to getting funded to create a show I wrote from fucking strangers like you. Generous, awesome, amazing, strangers that I love so fucking much.

I’m going to be honest & say that after four years, keeping up with this blog has gotten hard but today, I feel an insane resurgence of excitement. I’m really stoked on the last four episodes of the show & I genuinely hope with all my little heart that you like them as much as I do (the scripts at least, we haven’t shot them yet so there’s still time for me to flip the fuck out & go all sorts of diva on everyone’s asses & like, leave or something because I don’t look cute in them or the jokes fall flat or I’m just a bitch LOL JK I’D NEVER DO THAT JESUS CHRIST WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DO YOU THINK I AM?!).

Anyways, I’m really excited & I can’t thank you enough for being a part of all this. Even if you couldn’t scrounge up a buck to contribute to the Kickstarter, the fact you’ve read this at all is truly appreciated. None of this would be possible without people reading my nonsense, so thank you eternally for that.

I made you a GIF to exemplify my feelings.

gif maker

LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU #LOVEYOU
KISSES KISSES KISSES #KISSES





A Tangent About How I Have Successfully Created A Brand.

8 07 2012

I’m very happy to announce that today I got a call from a producer who wanted to remind me we are working at a new office tomorrow & to warn me about the air conditioning at the new office; that I may want to possibly wear pants for once in my life, or bring a pillow & blanket.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS?!?!?
I DID IT! I FUCKING DID IT!
EVERYONE KNOWS I ONLY WEAR SHORTS!
IT’S LIKE, MY “THING”!
I HAVE A THING!!!

Of course, part of me is stoned & is wondering
if maybe it was less about AC & more about professionalism.
But if they think me wearing shorts is unprofessional,
they have a whole other thing coming
since the only pants I own
are sweats.

That’s just who I am, ya’all.
Just one extreme or the next;
Friendliest or cuntiest.
Hilariousest or annoyingest.
SHORTS OR SWEATS.

[Currently Listening 2 Gantez Warrior]





A Tangent About 2009.

19 06 2012

Once upon a time, I lived in a magical place.
A place where everything sounded like the beach
& everything was yours at the click of a Google.
This place was called, 2009.

2009 was the best.

It marked the first season of East Bound & Down, the burgeoning independent music blog community, Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince hit theaters and “Sun Was High” was released, and we were all so excited because no one knew Best Coast was going to turn into a glaring embarrassment yet.

But most of all, you could download anything you wanted, from obscure 1960’s EPs to the Arcade Fire’s album that was six months from its release date.

Computer programs?
TV shows?
Movies?
Whatever!
It was all ours.

It was all mine.

Unfortunately, now all that is gone.
My computer crashed & I had only backed up 60% of my shit.

In 2009, I would have been like,
“No worries! I’ll just re-download it all!”

In 2012, I’m just like,
“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!
WHY CAN’T I STEAL ANYTHING?!”

It’s a completely different world out there, you guys. I can’t just Google “70’s Afrofunk: The Revolution.zip” or “Final Draft 7 serial number” anymore. It’s horrible. My life is over. I will never be able to regain everything I took out of 2009. How am I to make summer mixes?! How am I to write my scripts?! Does the world expect me– some poor ass twenty-something who still occasionally has to suck-up her pride & get her parents to bail her out of shit & then feel like an awful Lena Dunham character– to actually pay for all the shit I used to steal?!

My world has nearly imploded!
It’s like 2008 all over again! :(

The only solace I can take from that is that 2013 will be another 2009, but fucking better. I will have finally cracked this Final Draft I stole & will have written the best fucking script & gotten hired on a fucking show & will never have to blog again! I will only do it for the sheer fucking fun of it! So fuck yeah! 2013! 2012 you can’t bring me down with your fucking crazy government sanctions on the internet! You’ll be sucking my dick, internet! You too, the government! YEEEEOWWWW!!!

Sorry guys.
I’m just trying to be positive here
/ have drank a lot of sauvignon blanc, ya’all.





Help Us Finish Tangents & The Times: The Series!

14 06 2012

Dear Friends, Family, Fans, Stalkers with money,

Last year we started making Tangents & The Times: The Series. Unfortunately, we ran out of money & then a bunch of life shit happened & we were unable to finish our last four episodes. But we would like to finish the story and we can, with your help.

We started a Kickstarter to raise the money for our the final half of our little season. The $5300 will go partly to Kickstarter/Amazon because that is how they are a functioning business and the rest will be for our amazing DP, equipment rental, post production, small-scale craft services & a bang tamer for me, among other unexpected things that always happen during a shoot.

VISIT OUR KICKSTARTER HERE!

For the best example of what the $5300 will go to, please check out our first three episodes if you haven’t already. I’m really proud of the product we produced & am really excited to do another four.

EPISODE 1 – “MARISSA MAKES A DECISION” from S. Zissou Ross on Vimeo.

EPISODE 2 – “MARISSA ALIENATES HERSELF PER USUAL” from S. Zissou Ross on Vimeo.

EPISODE 3 – “MARISSA SQUANDERS THE LEAD” from S. Zissou Ross on Vimeo.

Thank you for watching, for reading & hopefully for helping us finish this shit.

All the best & lots of love,
Marissa








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