LOLZ[/weeping]
10 02 2010Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: friendship bracelet, Tangents & The Times, twitter
Categories : Tangents & The Times
A Video Tangent From A Time Since Passed.
9 02 2010Yeeeeup.
I forgot I did this shit on MLK day but here it is!
For YOUR viewing pleasure!
WITH LOVE FROM ME TO YOU!
Because you really care about my daily plights in reality entertainment.
I know this.
& I applaud thee for thy excellent taste.
Also, get ready,
cause that Marissa+Rebekah vid mention,
YEAH IT’S HAPPENIN’!
It had some mad audio isshz but we’re workin’ ‘em out.
OFF TO ITALIAN SHOWER & GO TO RECORD CLUB!
YAY!
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Tags: Tangents & The Times, Video
Categories : Tangents & The Times, Video
My Greatest Inspiration:
9 02 2010
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Tags: artemis, it's always sunny, Video
Categories : Tangents & The Times, Video
Opinion: What Vinyl Is Going To Make Me Look The Coolest Tonight At Record Club?
9 02 2010This is my first week not just attending but also contributing
to Origami Vinyl’s Record Club at El Prado!
Not gonna lie, I’m a little nervous.
I mean, you know how Echo Park is.
According to Ke$ha, there’s “pretension everywhere”
so I mean, I gotta come packing some heat.
I only had a record player from the ages of eighteen to eighteen and my record collection consisted solely of my grandma’s Rat Pack albums, a good portion of the Beatles’ discography and the entire Saddle Creek label from the early ’00s.
Since Christmas, I’ve been working on building up my vinyl collection to a presentable state, which I feel has been going pretty well but at the same time, I’m not sure a lot of these albums I’ve been procuring would be necessarily good for an evening at the local speciality beer spot with the who’s-who of the hood.
Gotta keep a sweet rep’, ‘nah what I’m sayin’?
So, I’ve narrowed it down to three choices from my collection that are not slow as shit, not anything like Fifty Guitars In Hawaii and not embarrassing:
-
- Girls’ Album
-
- Desolation Wilderness’ New Universe
-
- 60 Watt Kid’s Welcome From The Bright Side
Okay, guys!
HALP ME!
FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE FUCKING IMPORTANT!
Comments : 5 Comments »
Tags: 60 watt kid, desolation wilderness, echo park, el prado, girls, origami vinyl, record club, vinyl
Categories : Tangents & The Times
This Post Contains NIPZ! Sans Cheez… Don’t Be Scared.
8 02 2010Sooooo, I was… you know, getting out of the shower & hanging out…
alone… and
I got to thinking about Dudefriend’s ideas of my “masturbation session”.
I couldn’t believe he said Tim The Tool Man.
Like, yeah, sure, Tim Allen was a babe circa ‘92 but he just conjures up like, seven year old Marissa memories, which are the last things I need around when I’m trying to… concentrate.
Now,
I’m going to be honest & say I’m surprised Dudefriend didn’t say this one,
but my true 90’s tv dude I’d maybe admit to… thinking about shirtless is
LIKE A SEXY 90'S DANCE MIX W/ A SIDE OF LOLZ & MOUTHFUL OF CHEST HAIR.
DUH!
JERRY!
& that face,
the one he’s making,
was not chosen out of lack of Google images.
No,
I deliberately picked that one.
See, that is the face Jerry makes when he’s a little bit stumped and has to think for a second about something to say that will inevitably more funny than what you really said but hey, at least you made him work a little.
He also does it when things don’t go as he plans
and when you’re severely annoying.
But I like to think of it as “stumping him with my wit” when I’m…
thinking about it.
If I had to think about it, like, Jerry Seinfeld in bed with me,
I think that’d be his O Face, ya know?
Like I was worrying him, like, “Holy shit, I’m going to blow my load all over this broad’s face if I don’t get her jollies off like NOWWWWW”.
I will add with that statement that I do actually care about how women are treated and represented in the media, as you can see from my one & only tweet during the Super Bowl.
See, I realize I am not the most respectful of women sometimes in my writing because I think it’s funny. I’m not trying to sell anything (aside from ad space and maybe a future television pilot but whatevz) by having naked women read my blog in the bathtub or by saying women are the devil that will ruin your life and never let you have your Dodge Charger (WHAT THE FUCK). I’m just having fun.
And I hate Dodge Chargers.
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Tags: jerry seinfeld, shirtless, super bowl, tim allen
Categories : Tangents & The Times
Just Got This Captcha On Facebook:
8 02 2010
If I was, like, thirteenish,
I would have laaaaaauuughed my ass off typing in “Large Seamen”,
giggling to myself in relief from behind my parents’ PC after five grueling hours of unplugging & plugging in the internet because it kept cutting out during my high octane flirtatious convos via America Online.
Yeah, holla at SurfNSandGurlie.
She’s got the mint teal with yellow text on her profile.
Her “personal quote” box is filled with Fenix TX lyrics
& the “martial status” box
probably says something sassy like
“I don’t know karate!”
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Tags: america onine, captcha, facebook, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
Dudefriend’s Plans To Hack My Blog:
5 02 2010“I’m going to transcribe one of your masturbation sessions…
OOOOHHARRGGHHH George Clooney!
AHHHOOFFHRUUGHH Marky Mark!
OOOOAAARRRFFFFFF Tim the Tool Man Taylor with his shirt off!”
I love this man & made it my personal goal not to be a bitch tonight & make sure he has the best birthday ever! It’s so important to me, I’m going to even include a GIF:
Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: birthday, Dudefriend, tangents and the times
Categories : Dudefriend, Tangents & The Times
GAHHH.
5 02 2010This week has just been… like, TOO REAL.
I started my new job (which is awesome btw), negotiated new lease terms & settled this “repossessed” procedure shit, finally committed to paying for internet, infiltrated a coffee house scene, spent most days at Dudefriend’s for his internets and speaking of Dudefriend, it is his birthday AND I’m meeting his mom & sister for the first time TOMORROW.
There’s been just so much REAL LIFE,
I haven’t even had time to make fun of it on my blog.
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Tags: tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
Lessons In “Making It Work” #2.
4 02 2010In case you missed the first lesson, from now until Valentine’s Day I will be providing my readers with helpful tips & glimpses into my uber successful relationship with Dudefriend.
You’re welcome.
When you’re in a relationship, sometimes you have to do some things you’re not going to like doing- compromising, listening, giving blow jobs when your nose is stuffy. Sometimes these things are emotionally hard to do.
Like, our second lesson.
Lesson #2: Don’t Be Afraid To Ask The Tough Questions
Sometimes, there are things you just have to ask. There’s no getting around it. Whether it be for the maturation of your relationship, your health or maybe you just can’t find the answer on Google.
But there will come a day when you have to ask your significant other something you don’t want to and you’re going to have to just pick up your balls and do it.
For example,
at a quaint, quiet table in the corner of our local spot, Masa:
Dudefriend: “Now, I’m going to ask you a question… and… and I want you to be completely honest…”
Me: [nods with furrowed brow]
Dudefriend: “Are you retarded?”
I’ll let you sit with that.
Choose your own adventure & shit.
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Tags: Dudefriend, tangents and the times, valentine's day
Categories : Dudefriend, Tangents & The Times
HEY. You’re Welcome For The First 52 Seconds.
3 02 2010
The rest is just a bonus.
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Tags: day bow bow, it's always sunny in philadelphia, tangents and the times, Video
Categories : Tangents & The Times, Video
GPOYW: Breakfast Of Champions Edition
3 02 2010MMMMMMM.
There is nothing like that second slice of Night Tripper from Two Boots Pizza you didn’t need to buy while you were drunk last night but did anyway and ended up having to take it to Origami Records’ Record Club and guard it like a dog while you yell at people for casual conversation over good music for breakfast in the morning.
NOMZ FOR DAYZ!
Soooo glad I had that shot of whiskey before we went out!
If it hadn’t been for that shot,
I would have had some wits about me
& only ordered one slice (as my actual hunger called for)
& then I would be shit out of luck for this whole
pizza in Dudefriend’s bed with his weed thing I got going.
Which, I feel like is a pretty epic way to start your day if you don’t have to get up & go like, put on a Verizon Wireless polo on & go deal with pissed off customers bitching about their Samsung Knacks.
Although, I just don’t see the people with Samsung Knacks having “real world” problems. It’s not like they’re freaking the fuck out because their Droid deleted their work emails and now some Michael Douglas-esque market merger is destroyed or the WordPress app on their Blackberry is a useless piece of shit that wastes their time.
They probably can’t, like, set the date or something.
Hm.
Samsung Knacks…
[strokes chin]
I want to meet these people.
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Tags: breakfast, GPOYW, origami vinyl, pizza, record, samsung knack, two boots
Categories : GPOYW, Tangents & The Times
I’m Just Not Feeling Linking Back To The Toilet Incident So Figure It Out N00bZ.
2 02 2010Omg, you guys.
So, I just totally fourth grade style
almost fell in the toilet.
And it made me realize,
after four glasses of wine & a shot of Maker’s,
it is neither Dudefriend’s lack of toilet lid consideration
nor my drunkeness
but it is the the fact that he is a boy!
And I am a drunk!
And a girl!
That I put my foot in the toilet.
You see, it’s like, he is just used to leaving that shit up because I mean, duh, he lives with his messy-ass-ladies’-man guitarist roommate and they can just piss all over the place and it doesn’t matter because one of them has a girlfriend and the other is an awesome single guitarist.
And I’m a girl. A very tidy girl who kinda has OCD and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS makes her bed before she leaves her room and moisturizes everyday and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS closes the toilet seat. Even in public places.
So, it’s really neither one of our faults & the poll is null & void.
Although,
I HATE BOYS AND THEIR GROSS TOILETS I GET DRUNK AND FALL IN. 
Okay.
Fine.
I’m linking back to the toilet incident.
But only because I<3TRAFFIC.
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Tags: Dudefriend, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
Lessons In “Making It Work”.
2 02 2010With Valentine’s Day fast upon us, a holiday that I usually reserve for taking too much Vicodin and puking all over myself after too many free shots at some loser “I’m Single At A Bar On Valentine’s!” soiree or having dinner with my father, his wretched girlfriend and my grandmother (yes, for the past five years I’ve been this pathetic), I have decided to give you guys some glimpses into my love life & how Dudefriend & I “make it work”.
Lesson #1: Words of Love
Make sure the way you & your significant other talk to one another reflects the deep understanding you have of one another & the incredible connection that flows between the two of you, that inexplicable “knowing” of what your mate has inside of them.
For example:
Dudefriend: “I totally wanted to wake up early and bone you.”
Me: “Yeah, I know. Also knew that was not going to happen.”
Dudefriend: “What?! You didn’t have confidence in me?”
Me: “No, you had NyQuil in you. And you have never taken NyQuil whereas I’ve had plenty of long nights with NyQuil so I know these things.”
Dudefriend: “Yeah, okay, Miss Hunter S. TBag.”
Crazy in love, guys, SO CRAZY!
Comments : 1 Comment »
Tags: Dudefriend, tangents and the times, valentine's day
Categories : Dudefriend, Tangents & The Times
GET IN MAH BELLY! SOMETHING!
1 02 2010YOU GUYS, HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN CONSUMED BY SOMETHING AND JUST DRANK COFFEE AND NOT EATEN AND THEN YOU ARE LIKE SO HUNGRY, YOU ARE JUST AN ANGRY AND IRRITABLE PERSON AND YOU JUST WANT TO PASS OUT OR PUNCH SOMETHING YOU LOVE IN THE FACE FOR DOING THINGS IT ALWAYS DOES LIKE HAVING LIVING ROOM JAM BAND SESHES?!
I can’t write right now.
I am just like…
UGH NOW A LONG LOST FRIEND IS IMING ME
HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO ANSWER
BUT IT’S LIKE
I DON’T HAVE TIME TO PLAY CATCH UP RIGHT NOW!
MY STOMACH IS EATING ME!
ALIVE!
GOD I WISH THERE WAS A WAY TO MAKE CAPS CAPS
TO EMPHASIZE HOW ANGRY MY BODY IS.
Oh.
Right.
It’s “bold”.
SOMEONE MAKE ME A SANDWICH!
Comments : 3 Comments »
Tags: hungry, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
I’ve Felt Like A Lot Of TLC Songs This Week, None Of Which Were “Creep” Until Twenty Minutes Ago.
30 01 2010Aww, Dudefriend just kinda woke up & said I was
“the sweetest & most beautiful tiger in all the world”.
This is a good thing.
Means he really was sleeping while I was
eating my cold left over veggie chicken panini in bed,
watching him sleep.
Strangely enough,
it kinda looked a lot like this:
via selleckwaterfallsandwich.tumblr.com
He’s just really cute when he sleeps!
Plus, intensely staring at me when I sleep seems to work when Zissou wants me to get my ass up & pay attention to him so I figured I’d give it a try.
Plus, I was hungry.
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Tags: Dudefriend, sandwich, tom selleck, tomsellecksandwichwaterfall.tumblr, waterfall
Categories : Dudefriend, RUFFLEZ !, Tangents & The Times
I Wish I Could Have Written This Into A Song & Had Spoon Sing It. Just A Thought.
29 01 2010I ate my corndog so fast, I forgot
& I just got up to go finish it
& was soooooo disappointed.
Not just because I only found a stick, slightly smudged with ketchup on the counter but also disappointed in myself for being such a mindless glutton. Like, how does one forget they just consumed an entire corn dog? It took time and effort to like, turn on and preheat the oven and pay attention to the time (because I can’t use the timer because the beeping gives Zissou anxiety attacks, like for reals, he shakes for like an hour) and turn it when it needed to be turned and then I got out the ketchup and just complimented it, ya know, I didn’t like, smother it. Then I apparently deep throated that shit, went to the couch, @replied a friend, got back up, went to the kitchen and then…
Yeah, that’s when I saw the stick just lying there
& I had this whole revelation
about how I totally just ate a corndog
& WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I MAKE LIKE NINE OF THEM?!
Comments : 6 Comments »
Tags: corn dog, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
This Locksmith Loves Harshin’ My Time Mellowz.
29 01 2010So, the locksmith was supposed to call me at ten.
He was then going to come over and lock smith stuff or something…
I don’t know, I can’t really understand what he’s saying most of the time because he’s very impatient and speaks very fast with a heavy accent going on and I’ve only known him like two days so it’s not like I am accustomed to deciphering his shitty English.
It’s 10:21.
No calls at all, from anyone actually,
except from Wells Fargo- they apparently didn’t think my last payment on my credit card was satisfactory but it’s like dude, you made so much money on me from overdraft fees when I was “in college”, you can suck my dick and give me a freakin’ break
AT THE SAME TIME.
So, I’ve decided that if he doesn’t call by the time I finish my…
my…
morning grape juice,
then I’m blowin’ this joint cause I’m a busy lady.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!
Dude, I’m just enjoying not having a job for the last day.
Isn’t this what unemployed people get to do?
Be reckless with their liver & listen to Doors albums all day?
I mean, that’s the only reason I was cool with losing my job.
And I start my new job Monday sooo I feel like this is my last chance.
DEAL WITH IT.
Sidenote-
I’m wearing my sweet new Origami Vinyl shirt I got yesterday!
http://www.origamiorigami.com
It makes me happy.
Mostly because I’m pretty sure those two origami frogs
are going to be titty fucking me all day.
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Tags: origami vinyl, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
Damn, Shoulda Stuck To My Sang’.
28 01 2010While I was waiting for the locksmith, I did the only logical thing and got stoned and caught up on my Google Reader. I then got hungry per usual and went and perused what was still edible in my refrigerator. I had nothing but clementines, tortillas and a martini shaker of sangria.
And one avocado.
And a door full of mostly expired condiments.
Basically, what I always have to work with
aside from a freezer stocked full of Morning Star buffalo wings.
Now, here is where the story takes a bizarre & unusual turn.
Keep in mind I’d been hanging out with my dog & my bubbler for four hours.
Also keep in mind, aside from heating Morning Star buffalo wings in the oven/microwave, everything I do in the kitchen turns into a moderate-to-absolute disaster.
So, I’m staring at the very little I have to work with
when I remembered
McDonald’s Mac Snack.
And I said to Zissou, “Can that even work?
Can what belongs in a bun make a transition into a burrito-like state?”
And the answer is no.
At least not Morning Star buffalo wings, avocado, lettuce & ketchup
(which, I’ve never seen all these things on a bun but I feel like logically, they could).
SRSLY though guys, the Mac Snack must really be disgusting!!!
Think about it!!!
Morning Star buffalo wings are the bomb and avocados are the KING OF EVERYTHING and both these things are delicious and ketchup is also delicious on the buffalo wings so this leads me to believe that there is no way the Mac Snack, which is made with $.022 piece of shit meat patties and lifeless lettuce, could be any good. Fucking impossible!
And it just goes to show what goes in a bun shouldn’t be put in a fucking tortilla.
And I will now refer back to my initial, official statement regarding the Mac Snack:
Because pretending the things I say are important is not only a huge part of my daily life, but it is also the only way I can justify giving myself a break from mass mailing resumes and cover letters I didn’t write…
NOT THAT I HAVE TO ANYMORE SINCE
I JUST GOT A MUH’FUCKIN JOB!
SANG’ HERE I COME!
AYYYYYYOHHHH!!!
2010 IS MIIIIIIIIIIINNNNEEEE!!!
[Editor's Note: Apparently it isn't clear that I ate my rendition of the Snack Wrap but I most definitely ate half of it before ditching the tortilla. The avocado & ketchup were still bomb on the buffalo wings (that are really nuggets btw, so silly) but man, that tortilla just killed it. In a bad way, not in a "I saw Vampire Weekend & they killed it" way.
Wait.
Maybe I do mean it like that?]
Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: mac snack, morning star buffalo wings, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
My Impression of Wilson.
28 01 2010I was just drinking some coffee & utilizing free stable internet connections when I realized that my coffee cup was seriously 3/4 of the size of my face.
Via Fix's Coffee Cups.
Sidenote-
It’s funny because I’m definitely not a “regular” at this coffee shop but since I know the people who work here, it always seems like I am so I’m always getting like the “grrrrrr who are you” eyes followed by “hmm you must be alright, those band dudes are talking to you” cock of the head.
Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: coffee, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
Frustration On The Home Front.
28 01 2010Upon finding some rando Mexican kid trying to break into my gate with his mom yesterday, I found out the property my bungalow is located on has been repossessed & that’s about all I know besides we have to have a meeting next week and that I was on par this whole time thinking my landlord was a tool.
That being said, let’s get to the real problem here.
WAITING AROUND FOR THE LOCKSMITH.
It’s not like waiting for the cable to get installed.
There’s no sweet movie channels or lightening speed internet connections
waiting for me after “sometime between eight and noon”.
No, I’ll still be trying to break into my neighbor’s wi-fis, watching the ninth season of Seinfeld for the fifth time in a row (even though it’s maybe my least favorite season but it’s the newest season I got on DVD so I mean, there is some method to the madness).
Oh you know what I do get?
A new key!
A new key I will inevitably lose!
The key to the lock they’re replacing?
Hell if I know where it is, somewhere between my key ring and the hole in Dudefriend’s coat pocket. Even though he’s going to say the hole in his pocket has nothing to do with the missing key I last saw in his possession, I’m just saying myyy coats don’t have holes.
And it’s not like I needed the locksmith.
I didn’t ask for a new lock.
Someone just decided for me I needed to stay home and wait around for hours,
not being able to be a productive person & live my life because some asshole didn’t pay his mortgage or some shit like that’s MY fault. I pay my rent on time & look where it got me! Stuck here when I could be out being pretentious at a coffee house doing the exact same shit I’m trying to do now intermittently turning on and off my Airport!
Sigh. There’s nothing for me to do here but chores & drink.
I hate laundry &
I feel it is too early for sangria, even by my standards.
Plus, it really hasn’t been in the fridge long enough.
I just wish I could text the locksmith.
Just want him to know
I’ve got no passion.
I’ve got no patience.
AND I HATE WAITING.
HO GET YO’ ASS HERE!
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Tags: locksmith, tangents and the times
Categories : Tangents & The Times
