Zissou’s Commercial Debut.

3 12 2009

[Author's note: If you are just tuning in, Dudefriend & I are on the fritz. Due to recent comments he's made, I have decided to give him a resume as to prove why he should not dump me. It's unconventional, yes, but I don't bake so fuck me, right? Well, let's hope that's his logic... heh...]

I’ve been listening to a really serious mix (Grizzly Bear, Townes Van Zandt, Olivia Newton John) trying to figure out what it is I should put in my resume for my “objective”. I mean, if this was a job I would be like “I want to be a Parker-Posey-famous writer when I grow up and have a blog and books and a tv show I star in that supplies me with mountains of money, cash, hoez so I can hang out with the Olsens” but this is for a resume for Dudefriend and he kinda has a thing for Mary-Kate so I need to rework it. I spent like two hours on it last night and it just “wasn’t flowing”, ya know? LE SIGH.

It’s really kind of seriously bumming me out & I hate being bummed out.
I like living like a Miley Cyrus song.
Well, like the only Miley Cyrus song I know, which is that party one.
You know where every time I turn around MY song is playing.
I’m like HELLZ YAHZ LIFE IS SO GOOOOOD!
Whereas right now, I’m just like
GIVE ME DUDEFRIEND OR GIVE ME DEWARS AND A DAGGER.
Getting all 2002 on yo’ asses,
listening to the Saves The Day’s second album and shit.

The only thing that’s really getting me through the days is the fact that I am at work for ten hours of it and that I come home every day to my personal Cute Overload, Mr. Zissou.

Last weekend while I was at the Gma’s, Zissou got spotted at the mall by the avant garde auteurist pornography director, Maxwell Haus, and then proceeded to go to Echo Park with him to film a commercial. Obviously, he didn’t tell me because I would have been like OH HELL NO I AIN’T LETTING ANY GERMAN GET ALL POLANSKI ON MY BABY but he’s really into getting onto one of those cute dog sites now (ha, you can see who he takes after [me obviously, not his deadbeat acid freak father]), he went and filmed. Luckily by all accounts he was treated with respect and not asked to remove his coat, although he did get taken by the police for drinking in public. I really need to get a hold on him. He’s falling in with the wrong crowd, going on trampages in the park to make a mark on the webs. :(

But here you can check him out doing his mama proud in this offbeat, rambling yet adorable Tecate commercial.

Now excuse me while I go drive revenue via Facebook status updates and intermittently work on personal projects (like getting my love life back via Microsoft Office [sademoticonz3000]).


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The Heading (Part One of “The Resume”).

30 11 2009

I’ve had a lot of time to think about how self-centered (although I completely brushed off the notion that I was a drunk by drinking a bottle of the holiday red table wine by Monsieur Sháw, TAKE THAT) I am and realize that maybe I have been unfair to Dudefriend. Maybe I have been using him against his will for my interwebzical galavanting in the name of the LOLz. Maybe I haven’t fully appreciated every single, elegantly cooked Marissa-Crazy-Diet-Where-She-Isn’t-Quite-Vegan-But-Tries-And-Fails-But-Still-Has-Convictions-For-Even-Though-She-Lacks-The-Will-Power-To-Give-Up-Cheese-Entirely friendly meal he’s prepared for me and maybe I didn’t fold his laundry like I promised while he was out buying me mimosa rations and maybe I should have just dropped off the Blockbuster videos instead of going to get high and maybe… no, not maybe, I AM seeing the error of my ways.

And subsequently, Dudefriend, my succulent sweetpeach, I am sorry.
I am sorry all the simple tasks I didn’t complete due to my untreated ADHD while you slaved to keep me happy. All the times I forgot my wallet and you bought me Morning Star Buffalo Wings. All the times you let me drool on you at like, 10:30 when we were supposed to be watching Dexter cause I’m a GMa & fall asleep as soon as I hit the sheets. All the sweet nothings you’d whisper in my ear as you relentlessly tickled me while I struggled to beat the shit out of you. All those feasts you bestowed upon my famished varnished Ikea kitchen table I nom’d the shit of without a second thought of the love you poured into each serving, selflessly. The back rubs and beer runs and kisses. And the way you kept me in check. Wthout you I am a raging arrogant internet whore whose soul could be sold for Molls’ success. But when you are in my life, I am the closest I’ve been to balanced since my bout with Lexapro. It’s as though the clouds of twenty three years opened up; I’ve been waiting so long to get where I’m going, in the sunshine of your love. I’m WITH YOU my love. The light’s shinin’ through on you. YES I AM WITH YOU MY LOVE!!!

Ahem.
The point is, I’m out to win thy/thee/thou/your heart back.

My father always told me to treat everything like a business deal,
with that in mind as well as Dudefriend’s recent comments
(ie: “I wish i could have started all over, with like a resume or something…”),
I have decided to not crawl back in tears and shame,
but to act from a place of pride and offer up my resume.

Well, actually, not gonna lie.
I really hate working within the confines of the Word templates but I don’t know how to make it look as suburban house wife snazzy without it so I’ve only gotten as far as the heading.

I feel like it’s a good header, you know, it accurately expresses who I am as well as what I stand for.
Pheeeewwwfff, easy part DONEZO.

Alright next…
OBJECTIVE.

Yeah, that’s next… TIME.
Cause I’m outta wine and I gotta walk my ass to the store.

Sorry, Dudefriend & Co.
You’re going to have to come back for the conclusions.
But I had to have won a couple points with the Cream reference ehhh ?!?!? EHHH ?!?!
No?
Okay… well, thought I’d try.
Well, I am listening to Mulatu Astatke though for realz.
Not cool?
Well… that is just a bold stated LIE.


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Ugh. Ex’s & Their Sweet Tits.

28 11 2009

It sucks when someone shows you a topless photo of your Dudefriend’s ex-girlfriend from some cool little photo shoot & then it’s forever ingrained in your head like, wow, I think we might have kiiiinda similar boobs except my nipples are bigger & I hate big nipples & even though my nipples aren’t that big it’s like, they’re bigger than hers.

You can’t unsee that shit.


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HAPPY NOM DAY!

26 11 2009

nombardier.

I have so, so very much to be thankful for- on light & serious notes- this year.
But I’m getting ready for train travels so I shall keep this short.

I will say I am so grateful & forever in debt for my boys, my amazing collective of loved ones whom without I would cease to exist in a perpetual state of happiness, my blog, my laptop, WordPress, my new job, all the red wine under $4 in the surrounding area of Echo Park, family dinners, weed & Wildfox & hula hoops, my strip of Sunset, the emergence of melodic lo-fi, whiskey in Diet Coke bottles, Twitter, Tecate, endless summers, the few but relished rainy days & the actualization of day dreams.

Every day I wake up thankful.
& I hope it’s the same for you.
<3

So, nom yourself to death on mashed 'tatoes & enjoy your family, however you define it.

Love,
Marissa


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He’s Not Really Pretentious At All! (Please Don’t Dump Me <3)

25 11 2009

So, Dudefriend was apparently NOT stoked on my post with the bag on his head…

Dudefriend: i’m reading it now
Me: its not really that bad
Me: you know i only have luffz for you
Me: & keeeeeeeeiiiisssssses
Dudefriend: luffz ruining my life on the internet
Dudefriend: like I’M the one with issues
[Approximately seven minutes pass]
Me: are you really mad?
Dudefriend: well, i’m really going to have to reassess our relationship and your continued work with [insert my company].
Me: i didn’t do it to hurt you, just to lol.
Dudefriend: well…
Me: BUT I LUFF YOU !
Dudefriend: do you…
Dudefriend: or am i just a character in your internet life
Me: you’re my rock !
Dudefriend: for the amusement of your followers
Me: my mountain
Me: and i want to hug the mountain
Me: fuck that mountain, fuck that mountain… CHALLENGE THE ROCK [reference {because you need to get it}]
Dudefriend: guess what marissa
Me: what
Dudefriend: i wont stand for it
Me: BABY !
Me: say it ain’t sooooooooawhoawhoaaa
Dudefriend: now you’re quoting weezer
Dudefriend: who are you
Me: IT’S THE MORNING. YOU KNOW MY MORNING DECISION MAKING ABILITIES ARE WEAK !!!
Dudefriend: and mine are strong, per usual. I guess when I started this relationship I was under the impression that you maintained an excellent blog and were serious about creating lasting art. You led me to believe that that was the Marissa Ross I met. But now…. I do not even know who you are. You’re a drunk loser living in an imaginary dream world where the shit you do actually matters. Pissing my fortune away on your false illusions of luxury. I wish i could have started all over, with like a resume or something… letting me know how great of an actress you are and how horrible of a person you turned out to be.

Wow.
It’s like if anyone else said that I would have been like,
YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS… BITCH.
But…
I don’t even know where to begin.
Except that I feel a lot like Toni Braxton.

& that I am going to miss mad shower seshs tooooooooo.
& I am going to have to publicly cry out to millions of people
that I need my Dudefriend back.

Ideally with a fifteen piece orchestra, back up singers and an oversized Tahari blazer (cause those skintight numbers with the asymmetrical midriff holes really don’t do it for my spider-esque figure [I'm all appendages- lanky limbs on a one & a half foot slab of torso]).

I don’t really see that panning out though
so a WordPress platform & baggy t’s will have to do.
SOMEWAY
SOMEHOW
(without giving up my rich fantasy life in the blogosphere shrouded in a cloud of weed & wine)
I WILL MAKE THINGS RIGHT. <3

I will say though, I'm really happy he thinks I'm a good actress! I mean, I stopped solely pursuing acting like a year and a half ago so to know I've still got my chops, it really means something. You know, it's nice to hear your college fund wasn't spent in vain.


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Well… I Think I’m Hilarious.

25 11 2009

Or maybe you just haven’t actually seen these panties.


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Musicians & Stockbrokers… Who Knew?

24 11 2009

I learned a good many things in NYC and not just within the confines of the conference.
In fact, while walking to the Javits center I learned:

Equivalents in Essence... of Douche.

In case you aren’t familiar with Charlie Sheen’s IMDB, he’s in a little movie called Wall Street in which he is a stockbroker.
In case you also hate contrived bands, then you know that is the lead dude from Kings of Leon.
What I am telling you is NYC Stockbrokers = LA Musicians.

Now, I realize that whats-his-face is from the south or something and Charlie Sheen isn’t a stockbroker but the point is that the women on the streets of NYC talk about stockbrokers similarly to how I used to talk about LA’s musicians.

Both professions lend themselves to persons that are incredibly focused and inevitably self-centered. You will never come before a man’s music or his market. Whether it’s their art or their pay check, you aren’t a guitar or a dividend. Sorry. Musicians and Stockbrokers are also both very stylish. Whether it be suits or an impressive collective of eclectic vintage pieces, they usually have a relatively attractive wardrobe. Obviously this depends on their income, which is also a pull of them both although a Stockbroker’s bank account usually evokes a sense of security whereas a Musician’s usually incites sympathy. Either way, you are attracted. Granted, Musicians are usually better looking but Stockbrokers ten times out of ten smell better than Musicians so I mean, you’ve still got some give and takes.

That’s why you just give it all up & find yourself a nice graphic designer to go to geek expos with you.

Oh, excuse me “digital artist” which apparently means a pretentious ass with an Adobe Suite.

Muh’fuckin’ digital artist needs to upload that shit to my lapteeezy.


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WELL YOU’RE NOT HARDCORE UNLESS YOU LIVE HARDCORE.

23 11 2009

& you definitely can’t live hardcore
when your mom won’t let you shop at Hot Topic.

Sorry Jorge xooxoxoxoxoxox <3
Maybe emo will work out better for you.
You've got the face for it.


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Excuse Me While I Nerd The F’ Out.

23 11 2009

So, as I previously stated, there was some drama with the live Twitter feed at the conference’s keynote session on Tuesday.
I would like to take this time to preface this blog post with the statement that Danah Boyd is a brilliant woman who has broke more of a mental sweat than I have ever planned on and has accomplished sixteen thousand times more meaningful things than that one screenplay I plan on writing one day.
I would also like to preface that this post is going to be a geek’s quief.

Alright, SO, Tuesday.
There was a keynote session with a live Twitter feed for the hashtag #w2e on stage. I’m talking HUGE TIME. Now there was a butt load of awesome speakers starting with Tim O’Reily, the guys from Digg (swooooon), Caterina Fake of Hunch.com and Chris Brogan. It was amazing and the uncensored Twitter feed was mostly middle agers retweeting the exact words of the presenters and me saying things like:

I can’t remember reading a single slightly ill tweet about any of them.
They were amazing speakers that really (for lack of better Hipster Runoff cliche quotation) “got us”.

I’m gonna lay some truth out right now and say that the ugliness started with the AC. It was MUH’FUCKIN COLD UP IN THUR. So, everyone started tweeting like “blah blah blah my nipples are going to poke Boston Mike’s eyes out” and then Danah got up and everyone was like “whoa…
- she’s talking too fast
- she’s disconnected from the audience
- she’s reading from notes
- her slides are irrelevant
- she needs to breathe

Then things got a little rougher:

So, the feed was taken down.
When the feed was removed (or so I thought), I proceeded to tweet:

Which about two minutes later when they revived the live feed, went up in front of hundreds of people.
& thus I was the last straw of the live Twitter feed, which was almost immediately removed after my banner sized capped cursing.

Which at first filled me with a delightful sense of MUAHAHAHAHAness.
& then fear when after the speech,
the halls were filled with Marissa A. Ross HATE.
There was a full fledged riot headed by those middle agers- lighting trash cans on fire and throwing the servers from the INTEROP conference show room from the second floor, It was frightening.

And for all the “omg that was so high school” those same middle aged doofuses tweeted after,
I don’t know what high school you went to
but no one said Danah was a stupid, fat, slut.
No one was knocking her actual content, it was the fact that she didn’t know how to address an audience with the attention span of StumbleUpon. I can tell you this much, it’s definitely NOT with a fifteen page, font size ten essay to be told in fifteen minutes. She is a ridiculously intelligent, talented & esteemed woman but for someone whose “research examines social media, youth practices, tensions between public and private, social network sites, and other intersections between technology and society” she should have seen this coming. A live Twitter feed?! That is like the prime intersection between technology and society!!! It’s as if the whole thing was an experiment to which I am not sure if we failed or succeeded.

I succeeded at personal branding
& failed at professionalism.
Wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhh.

So, I guess we all learned lessons.
Web 2.0 probably shouldn’t have uncensored feeds if they can’t take the heat.
Danah probably should let someone else present for her so she doesn’t catch fore mentioned heat.
& I probably shouldn’t be sent anywhere my personal hobbies intertwine with my career.

Oh wait… THAT’S MY LIFE.

(Sidenote: Is there an app for that?
I don’t have an iPhone,
It just seems like the culturally relevant thing to ask.)


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Web 2.0 Recap, Day Two Be Continued.

18 11 2009

I have a lot to say on today, particularly the live Twitter feed from the keynote session but after a couple rounds & some very intriguing, sexually driven crime sounding drama on Oxygen, I am way too distracted to get into it.

Ohhh shit, the mom shot the dad.

Yeahhhh, I’m not in any place to be writing about my relatively educated opinion on the matter.

I will get to this matter soon but just to pique your interest,
know that one of the last Tweets on the live Twitter feed behind the Microsoft bigwig read in front of a couple hundred social media professionals was:

This isn’t the whole story & that is on purpose.
See you soon.


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Web 2.0 Tidbits, Day One.

16 11 2009

This is the society I want to live in- a society where LOLcat jokes are not only always appropriate but everyone also gets it. The only thing more frustrating than trying to get someone to comprehend I Can Has Cheezburger is trying to explain Twitter to one of my mom’s tennis teammates.

New Favorite Person:
Lee Sean Hepnova. He did a great presentation tonight at Ignite NYC. At Ignite, speakers get twenty slides and fifteen seconds per slide. Lee Sean’s was on “It’s Cool To Be Flat” about 3D designs plaguing world and he had me at an ingeniously placed Phil Spector joke. Watch his slide show (although it lacks his incredible and energetic stage presence) on his website (linked above) and I believe that Ignite will also have the videos up eventually. I suggest to watch them all- everyone who spoke had great things to say about technology, the future and society.

Favorite Thing I Overheard:
“I feel like I’m shopping in H&M.” – Dude behind me during the iPhone music app contest where three volunteers competed to see who could create the best song live from their different apps.

Best Thing I Learned:
Viagra is the only way to get things done in the Arctic (via Tom Haile).
& I’m not talking about boning.
I’m talking about bartering.
Apparently, in Siberia no one gives a damn about conventional economic transactions. You need a pilot? Fuck your cash. There’s no malls in Siberia. They don’t care about your c-notes. They want boners.
Not that I am planning a trip to Santa’s workshop this season but hey, IT’S THE MORE YOU KNOW KIDS.


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I’M ON A PLANE. I’M ON A PLANE EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME CAUSE I’M BLOGGING ON A PLANE.

15 11 2009

After swiping my card nineteen times, I just got my wine delivered. Virgin America is prettaaahh, prettahhh, prettah good. I’m basically doing what I would have been doing if I was at home- drinking & blogging. Virtually Virgin has made it impossible for me to fly any other way from here on out, making my favorite activities so accessible. I’m really into the whole ordering from my seat. Totally makes me feel so much more confident ordering copious glasses of… Wente cab (?) when i don’t have to flag them down. It makes me feel like way less of an asshole. Not that they know I’ve been drinking since two or anything but still. It’s just easier when they just bring it to me.


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Holy Shit.

15 11 2009

I just finished packing.

Photo 72

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!

& I am leaving for NYC in the incredibly immediate future.

It’s been hard- not having all day to be creative but I believe my sacrifices will be well worth it.
Especially when I am being given the amazing opportunities I am.
My entire goal in life is to be bi-coastal & every day I am one step closer.
& the entire point of this blog is to say if you’re going to Web 2.0 or want to lunch it out or get hammered, email me @ tangenttime@gmail.com.

This blog cannot even begin to exemplify the enthusiasm that is running ramped through my veins.


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It’s Really Hard For Me To Blog When:

13 11 2009

1. I just found out tooooodayyyy
I’m going to New York for the Web 2.0 expo next week (!!!).

2. I’m listening to my “Traditional Fall Mix”.

Both make me too unbelievably stoked / reflective to crack jokes.

But we’ll see.
Maybe I’ll pull through seeing as the night’s forecast looks like a lot of alcoholic beverages in the comfort of my raglan and three-sizes-too-big shorts.


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I’m Seriously Out Of Touch.

9 11 2009

Saturday was my too-close-to-be-best-friends-we’re-sisters’ birthday back in my hometown. Obviously, I wanted to go and hang out with her. We’ve known each other since we were twelve (maybe even before if you count the art class we took at the rec center), it was imperative I was there. Of course, there was the looming anxiety of knowing that at least eighty five percent of the people attending had not seen me since I was Photoshopping my pictures with Ladytron lyrics.

So, yeah, that was kinda weighing heavy on my nerves.
Seeing a shit ton of people that kinda knew me once & will probably pretend to know me now when we both know we don’t know a damn thing about eachother or will care after the jungle juice wears off & we forget to add eachother on Facebook.

Luckily, my social anxiety comes in the form of long winded, slightly entertaining anecdotes & high energy, kinda drunk, overzealous dance presentations.
Yes, that is correct, dance presentations.
Basically this is when I drink enough & don’t care enough to not bust a move.
But nothing could compare to what I observed on Saturday night.

I’m drinkin’ some champ’ out of a bottle someone passed me while I’m sitting on the ledge of the spa (I mentioned I was in the ‘burbs right ? I mean, we’re all old enough here to assume I’m at a house party, right ?) when some song comes on & about twenty girls bum rush the patio & start doing a sort of bush league Electric Slide to some hip hop song.

As if this entire night hadn’t already felt like high school reunion 1.0, then there was a modern day reenactment of She’s All That: After Standford when Laney Boggs comes back to her hometown to boogie down in a backyard & show up all the girls that called her an ugly geek… AGAIN!!!

It reminded me of some sort of preparation for middle aged dating at the Cowboy Palace. All these entry level hairdressers waiting to meet their future mechanics in shining pairs of 501s.

But apparently I am the only person on Earth who didn’t know about the Cupid Shuffle.

See Kids, DARE DOES Teach You Something!

Even the special ed kids get taught that shit in fucking NEBRASKA. WTF.

Luckily, it worked out cause Chris & I just pulled some Kenny Powers & threw a lot of jizz in eachother’s faces.
Then he told me I reminded him of Winnie Cooper.
I thought maybe cause he dreamed of throwing jizz in her face but it was just the bangs. :\

Editor’s Note added 11/10/09
It came to my attention that there are a couple other people who have lived under rocks too and so, here is a video to demonstrate the Cupid Shuffle.

Apparently, it’s appropriate for a multitude of handicaps which leads me to believe it is superior to the Soulja Boy.


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Gym Fail.

5 11 2009

Alright so, here’s the dealy.
I get home from work & it takes everything in me not to tear into the rest of the wine from last night & just write.
But no.
No, not, tonight.
Not now.
MUST GO TO THE GYM.

I decline my gracious roomie’s offer of greenery, strap on some striped tube socks (out of necessity- I’m out of Tide Total Care [& yes, it has to be Total Care. With the green stripe or something indicating it smells like meadows and unicorn dew or something. I don't think I'm snobby about many things but I'm not afraid to say my laundry detergent IS one of them]) and drive my ass to the gym. I go to this gym that’s about a mile away, super it’s convenient but it’s in a Christian center.

When I say “Christian center” it’s literally a “center”. Think a less ostentatious Scientology center that helps the homeless and houses kids on their missions and basically does a bunch of sweet things I don’t have the time/energy/selflessness (but think wistfully upon) to do.

And then I’m way stoked on my gymness and self discipline only to be met with
CLOSED DOORS.

Yeah, the gym was closed.
Which is such bullshit! I really wanted to work out!
That’s the problem with Christians!
They think they can just close their gyms whenever and like, go Bible thumping about Echo Park without any concern for MY need for lean triceps.
But I got over it when I remembered there was wine & weed at home as well as a laptop & stolen internets. That sitch’ can solve just about any state of affairs.

Okay the whole point of this is to simply say
even though when I got home I wasn’t too into it,
once I put the lined lime green running shorts,
I WAS IN ACTIVITY MODE.
Jumping around, kicking & taijiquaning the shit out of my surroundings, talking about kicking ass today because I basically busted a nut all over one of our competitor’s Co-Tweet by hijacking one of their clients with my social media savvy.

Photo 36

HIYAH!!!

I just did my own sports announcement…
ANNNNDDD IN THE GREEN SHORTS, THE NEW HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE INTERNET, SOCIAL MEDIA MAVEN MARISSSSAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA. ROSSSSSSSS !!!
BOOMBOOMPOWFIREWORKSYOWZABABYCRYBOOMPOW !!!

What’s it with gym clothes that make you feel like you could go on the elliptical for two hours WHILE disarming the next Phillip Garrido WHILE scanning Shopbop for Free People on sale ?!
It’s like YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!

Wait…

Yeah, I don’t think it’s the gym clothes.
I think it’s the four diet cokes, two coffees & 75ml of Goddess Dressing.
I FEEL LIKE A WINNER!!!

Yeeeeeeeahhh…

I need to go.
I feel drunk from just from blogging again. <3

Dudefriend just came in.
Apparently I'm the most unsexy I've ever looked hahaha.
WHATEVER. I'M BLOGGING.


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miss u.

29 10 2009

that’s it.
oh & maybe
<3.
& a little
:( .

affectionately,
marissa

ps. hang out with me on the day to day here.


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Movin’ On Up.

30 09 2009

My high octane internet lifestyle is shifting !
Today is my last day of work !
I am leaving my hum drum copywriting/assistant/shop girl day job that pays me while I blog for a big business lady position that involves an office, internet marketing and a lot of social media from the hours of eight to five.

So, a lot less:

Unprofessional Marissa.

Unprofessional Marissa.

& a lot more:

Professional Marissa.

Professional Marissa.

This has led me to ponder many things, like:
Will my blog have a negative effect on my professionalism?
Will I have to stop video blogging while drinking?
Will my job have a negative effect on my blog?
Will I start “taking myself too seriously”?
Will I become “unrelatable” to my readers?
What time would I have to wake up at to comfortably get stoned, shower and jill off before work?
And when will I watch Mad Men?!?!?!

I guess only time will tell.
I am a little nervous.
But the internet should be more nervous
SINCE I AM ABOUT TO RULE IT MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA !!!


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Edible Guilt.

28 09 2009

Here’s a thought:
Don’t Eat Edibles If You Want To Bone.

NOMNOMNOMNOMZZZ...zzZzZz

NOMNOMNOMNOMZZZ...zzZzZz

Because it doesn’t happen.
You know what does happen ?
You PTFO in Dudefriend’s bed and he fixes your resume and watches Mad Men while you nap it out and then you wake up eight hours later in the middle of the night with your skirt all cock-eyed and your necklace imprinted on your face and then you toss and turn for the rest of the night thinking about what kind of asshole thinks they can eat a shit ton of marijuana chocolate truffles and somehow make it past 11 ?
Oh, right !

Me !!!

I’m that asshole !!!

& that’s all I’ve got kids.
I’m an asshole.
A revelation, I know.

F’ you, it’s Monday.


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MOST OUTSTANDING INSULT OF ‘09.

25 09 2009

haahahahahaha…
ahhh….
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA

Yeah, maybe even of ALL TIME.
hahahahahaa


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Categories : Tangents & The Times, Television, Video

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