Saturday was my too-close-to-be-best-friends-we’re-sisters’ birthday back in my hometown. Obviously, I wanted to go and hang out with her. We’ve known each other since we were twelve (maybe even before if you count the art class we took at the rec center), it was imperative I was there. Of course, there was the looming anxiety of knowing that at least eighty five percent of the people attending had not seen me since I was Photoshopping my pictures with Ladytron lyrics.
So, yeah, that was kinda weighing heavy on my nerves.
Seeing a shit ton of people that kinda knew me once & will probably pretend to know me now when we both know we don’t know a damn thing about eachother or will care after the jungle juice wears off & we forget to add eachother on Facebook.
Luckily, my social anxiety comes in the form of long winded, slightly entertaining anecdotes & high energy, kinda drunk, overzealous dance presentations.
Yes, that is correct, dance presentations.
Basically this is when I drink enough & don’t care enough to not bust a move.
But nothing could compare to what I observed on Saturday night.
I’m drinkin’ some champ’ out of a bottle someone passed me while I’m sitting on the ledge of the spa (I mentioned I was in the ‘burbs right ? I mean, we’re all old enough here to assume I’m at a house party, right ?) when some song comes on & about twenty girls bum rush the patio & start doing a sort of bush league Electric Slide to some hip hop song.
As if this entire night hadn’t already felt like high school reunion 1.0, then there was a modern day reenactment of She’s All That: After Standford when Laney Boggs comes back to her hometown to boogie down in a backyard & show up all the girls that called her an ugly geek… AGAIN!!!
It reminded me of some sort of preparation for middle aged dating at the Cowboy Palace. All these entry level hairdressers waiting to meet their future mechanics in shining pairs of 501s.
But apparently I am the only person on Earth who didn’t know about the Cupid Shuffle.
See Kids, DARE DOES Teach You Something!
Even the special ed kids get taught that shit in fucking NEBRASKA. WTF.
Luckily, it worked out cause Chris & I just pulled some Kenny Powers & threw a lot of jizz in eachother’s faces.
Then he told me I reminded him of Winnie Cooper.
I thought maybe cause he dreamed of throwing jizz in her face but it was just the bangs. :\
Editor’s Note added 11/10/09
It came to my attention that there are a couple other people who have lived under rocks too and so, here is a video to demonstrate the Cupid Shuffle.
Apparently, it’s appropriate for a multitude of handicaps which leads me to believe it is superior to the Soulja Boy.
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